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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Taking for Granted

ever wonder if its a really great bliss if we are able to say "i love u" to someone in life?
not juz in the bgr term.. its a bliss to be able to love someone at all lorx..

haix.

happen to chance upon this gal's blog.. she's already passed away on 10th sept 2006..

its so heartpain to learn about her life story lor.. a child from an orphanage.. got adopted the first time and was abused.. finally got a family who treats her like their little princess.. got the men in her life who loves her.. she finally died of illness.. at this point in time when i first chance upon her blog, she's 10months away from her 26th birthday..

i never like to say the 3 words unless i mean it.. i oso never like it that i m only able to say it to my boy, and not to the rest of the people that i love..

treasure the 3 magic word ya.

her very touching post.

only read a few of her entries.. quite enlightening..

actually, since i left secondary school, since i left the kinda education system whereby we are so protected and spoon-fed, i've came to realise that there are many more facets of life then the templates that i've known of..

prior to that, i've never thought that a 27 yr old could still be partying around, doing odd jobs, having his mama do the shopping of clothes for him.. i've never thought that someone my age could be out of school and working in this society where adults are so scary.. everyone hides a knife beyond that friendly smile..

prior to reading this blog, or say.. even as i read her entries, i still find it hard to get this into my brain, that there are orphans in singapore..

i'm a frog. used to live in the well with my mama, brother and sister shielding me from hurt and responsibility; teachers shielding me from failure; amos shielding me from mistakes and loneliness cos by my own selfishness.

i fear growing up. i fear going out into the society, especially after these 3 months of internship. i fear the next 6years without amos by my side.

if i m to fear these much, how did angie bern lived her mangled 25 years? when she's left to fend for herself while so many people fight to tug me back in a cosy corner, away from the bloody facts of life. she who is so far away that i dun even noe, might be like juz another story.. but how about my good brother here in my online friend list..

dude, hope i can do more to help in this celebration =]
child like us who didnt have a complete family, will either fear building one, cos fear of failure disappointment and rejection; or brave enough to want to build a better one that u never had. i believe u r the latter x)

very very very happy for u xD
Labels: My Contradiction, My Enlightenment, My Khaki, My Random-ness

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Monday, November 27, 2006

to u la.

the best thing abt PAST is tt u CAN CHOOSE to rmb gd memories; best thing bout PRESENT & fUtuRE is u can choose to MAKE gd memories. and the everbest bout past present and future is u can choose to allow ppl's words and acts to hurt u or not. cos its u who can choose to view it as an attack or not. half cup empty half cup full theory..

no point hold on to a hse ttz broken byond recognition; build one, one that has a firm enuf foundation to prevent it falling like the last. of cos, new methods of hse falling will always still comes along, be prepared for that lolx.

tot its quite long a comment, not so nice to put on ur blog. so i juz pump it here. cos ar.. i is freakin tired now.. so i dun wan put *uncertified stuff* on ur blog. lol. juz tot of sharing with u =]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

juz got home after celebrating my big cookie's birthday.. freaking tired. workin at 2pm. nitex.

thx loads ppl who took the effort to shower him with loads of love this yr's birthday =)
for ur infor, nex yr's birthday he most likely would not be in singapore, so if u wanna birthday BasH him, do it this yr, 29th november, wednesday LOL =x
Labels: My Khaki

Kicking about @ 4:08 AM
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hotel 81

haha after talking cock with my fwen recently, i got curious about what kinda place exactly is hotel 81. sounds like that kinda cheap motel for fuk leh, but if that is the case, why would blinkymummy a govt sector person be rumoured to be acting in the hotel 81 advertisement previously? so i went to the webbie to check it out ^^
then i realise it can be quite cool to use as an alternative weekend getaway lor.. a slightly more private and comfortable getaway compared to costa sands chalets =_=

i want stay these few outlets!!! can juz click the outlet name link to see the photos.

Hotel 81 Bugis

damn cool lor! got 5 rooms is have a private courtyard with shower facilities and deck chair, then got "drop to the floor windows" *luo di chuang* big big windows i like! the decor in the room very class and cosy lidat lor! den the location is like smack opposite bugis junction only lor! entertainment all round! fukin cheap! $79/nite from sunday till fri, $119/nite for saturday and PH eve. better than chalet lor!

Hotel 81 Kovan

wahaha this one the rooms look damn cozy la.. n i like the big big windows! and hor i want take picture at the lobby!!! the lobby got one red bench with velvet backboard all the way to the ceiling ^^ mayb i can go there stay le den make my room design lidat wahaha! freakin cheap oso lor! $79/nite from sunday till fri, $99/nite for saturday and PH eve.

Hotel 81 Hollywood

i guess the reason why this outlet is call hollywood is cos of its themed rooms. last time the variety show by bryan wong and kym ng they got go and interview this outlet lor. the rooms got different themed de.. got this jungle theme, hollywood stars' backstage theme, jail theme etc. i had wanted to go visit those themed rooms since i watched that show lor. juz that i dunno where it is lolx. but one draw back is that its at geylang.. its ok tat we check into a hotel for a weekend getaway retreat.. but hor.. its gonna be awkward if we check into a hotel at geylang n later ppl think we is hooker n hooking den damn paisei lor! this one oso quite cheap probly cos of the locations.. $69/nite from sunday till fri, $79/nite for saturday and PH eve.

Hotel 81 Princess

this one i think if go with frens can be quite cool oso leh. cos hor, my fave supper stall is juz opposite this outlet haha. the yong he dou jiang - you tiao da wang is juz opposite lor. and all the rooms in this outlet is equipped with bath tubs. the other outlets some rooms have, some rooms only standing shower =_=
$69/nite from sunday till fri, $79/nite for saturday and PH eve.

hmm i wish i wish can stay the bugis one soon ^-^
Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 5:49 AM
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Koh Yi Teng

qing ai de~ wahaha.

i dun reply u buay kam wan ar nb. i fukin up to my neck this wk la, bz getting emo, getting sick, getting fuk for nothing, and many things haiz.

i tell u ar. how u scold me angry me bite me i oso wun leave. cos i is ur gcb.

i noe i very irritating always late, i oso noe recently u really very up&down. if its juz down u can handle it, cos its not up not down ttz y u sibei gao weh.

that day somewhat i dunno is too dark or u too overwhelm by ur own emo, i was juz tryin to think of an alternative way, den since in the first place u ask me to go buy by myself then i cant think of any alternative le, so i juz stand up go buy la! wtf den u go assume i attitude u. i dun really care wad another person mite have assumed, but u and momo of all ppl, i wud care every little thing u all think of me. i already wasnt feeling too well that day, and i wasnt feeling comfortable in that "3some" company, cos i was damn extra since we met, cant participate in the talk at all. i was already quesy on my part. i juz keep quiet oso cannot?

n wad pls learn to take no as ans. knn i m not the kinda faKe-er goodie two shoe angel that would be able to hide emotions and disappointment away from the face lor. when i m disappointed i cannot even briefly show on my face for a split second or minute? dun juz scrutinize ppl lor.

n thx ar, the lunch thing. u r the one who conclude my calculation sux if we are to go beach road buy shoe. so i say ok, then i see i go elsewhere buy, if can make it for lunch then i come find u. fuk la aft that jasmin call and say she wan accompany me go tampines buy then we juz discuss den i go bath n so on la. when u call i bathing lor.

can i be bhb n think this way? cos if its me i guess it mite be this scenario:

being emo lately --- therefore needs friends' concern --- fren say mayb want come meet --- machiam see a light --- then fren never come --- disappointed --- link link to fren's usual fuk up action --- become even more upset.

one thing glad one thing sad about the blogging thing.

glad is that last time u all juz assume assume n get angry upset n burst all on ur own side but never brought up the details to him, but this time to spare the awkwardness u juz blog out all the details to let me noe.

sad is that i take u as someone that u call me gong cb ask me where is my brain, i still smile at u with my whole heart cos i feel that its u who is sincerely concern of me, and someone whom we can shed mask n pretence words together. but u actually cant voice out ur unhappiness with me and settle by ourselves, still muz blog. wtf is that action suppose to suggest? to spare the awkwardness or to tell the world of how fuk up a fren u hav?

whatever i've juz said, like u've said if ppl scold u vulgarity long enough u wud oso retort back in vulgarity; u've expressed ur unhappiness, surely i have the right to express wad i feel unjust.

at the end of the day, i would juz forget wad u've typed there, cos i feel its juz that u are upset and needs someone to talk to, but at that point in time, there's only the blog.

and as always, wadever said wadever done, i wun give up i wun walk off. cos i m ur gcb.so shut the fuk up like machiam we are at war. i dun even fuking noe that u misunderstood n grudging bout that day lor! and i was fuking over the moon when i was having dinner and u call me to go kbox n even though i cant go, i was damn excited that u tot of me lor! n fuking hell when i reach home, the first blog i always open is ur blog n fuking hell i see u grudging like fuk n its like all the way so like ok ok den suddenly explode like atomic bomb! n i already felt the impact from that sms that nite when i reach home lor thx very much dun hav to go announce how fuk up i m lor.

i was so fukin chui so fuking pain n crying to jasmin from 4am till 6am after i read that post lor. [to prevent another potential misunderstanding: meg, aft u slp le i rang up jas again] cos at work i met fukin fake-er that already really shock me cos i never expected anything lidat could be real outside television.. and its juz half an hour before i read ur post that i got that news i really very chui already lor.. then when i read the entry my first instinct: wtf no man.. this gotta be joking.. someone that i hold this close to heart cant be fake to me oso.. cant be she hate me so much and still ask me go kbox juz now..

i'm gonna try harder, but meanwhile this blogging thing i'll end it as it is now and fukin forget bout it. cos i always makes a lot of noise, but i still love u.

gimme some time, i really cant cope with these of my own le.. i really want to be by u n make hold u up at such a time, but i really cant afford to now..

n hor FUCK YOU. if is not happy certain things of each other then speak up le, would be over defensive until give up on the friendship kinda person is definitely not worth a shit lor. i m fukin expensive k. remember the xiao zhu zhu story? u throw me how far, I'LL bE bacK. wahaha CCB dun u fukin think of ditching me.

btw, the line that suggest that every tom dick harry is invited including this moron, is hurting. cos i always ask u cos i really want u to be there, cos i really think u be there i'll be really happy, not becos to add up the numbers to the-more-the-merrier.

in case u think i find u not impt that y i cant be bothered to take out time to talk to u, i juz give up the precious chance to chat with my boy to type this post whole heartedly to u. i haven been in contact with my boy the whole day cos i left my phone at home, and haven chatted properly since the last time i met him on thursday.

i fuking hate u leh. cos i juz unable to hate u more than a minute. cb. sunday come k. i got fukin funny new findings to share with u LOL.
Labels: My Khaki

Kicking about @ 4:53 AM
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A Week of Silence to Mourn for a Mishap

Shall hiatus from blog a week to mourn for 2 mishaps, that i have to be very careful about how i say ANYthing about it.

heartpain.

both that i love so much so much.

nvm. those who believe in me will believe me even if i m holding the blood stained knife in my hands, i'm not gonna make any reply.

u think i thought who confirm?

i will definitely go confront the matters, cos i dun want to be like the previous sentence.

juz, not yet.

哑巴吃黄连
有苦说不出
信我者自信

pain.
Labels: My Khaki, My Work

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Saturday, November 18, 2006

Semester 3.2 Timetable

Monday

11 ~ 1 Entrep [tut]
2 ~ 4 StratMkg [lec]
4 ~ 5 IMP2 [lec]

Tuesday

9 ~ 11 Entrep [lec]

Wednesday

11 ~ 1 GlobalM [tut]

Thursday

9 ~ 11 StratMkg [tut]
11 ~ 1 IMC [tut]

Friday

10 ~ 11 IMP2 [tut]
11 ~ 1 IMC [lec]
2 ~ 4 GlobalM [lec]
Labels: My Work

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Friday, November 17, 2006

I Did 7 Blog Posts Tonight

LOL!!! including this entry, i did 7 posts tonite!!!

haha to make up for my tardiness few wks back? lol. juz feel like doing so do lor~

haiz.

Kicking about @ 6:43 AM
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Blessing in Disguise

cos of zouk-ing, my gastric conflict me today.

kept feeling stomach upset, dizzy and feel like vomiting the entire day since i woke at noon.. felt worse when i go to work.. felt even worse after dinner.. so i ask to go back to see doctor at 8pm..

when i went up to buy dinner, i haven much appetite.. so i told steven:

u noe hor the chicken chop rice got that gravy and loads of mushroom rite..
k gimme a pack of chicken chop rice without chicken chop.

steven replies:

huh why eat like that leh?

me:

haha.. cos hor.. ytd drank too much today no appetite leh..
how much ar?

steven:

wa lao juz rice and gravy how to calculate~ forget it man LOL.

and so, i end up with a pack of rice with super a lot of brown sauce and mushrooms LOL! but dinner time feel quite sick la, so only had the mushrooms.. didnt touch much of the rice.. then i feel cmi liao, then went to tell ashley i need to go see doc..

before i left, ashley say:

u look well what.

kaoz i feel damn sick in my stomach to argue le, i juz reply whatevER.

liewz.. before i leave got two women come in want 14 person table i still go shift two big dining table together for them lor. so juz bcos i still try my best to work when i not feeling well equals i act sick as for leave meh. haiz.

so i met amos at bedok and he accompanied me to go see doc.. cos by the time i met amos, its only about 8.45pm, and the doc usually would only reach the clinic around 830pm and have his first patient.. i've already called the clinic to take queue number when i was outside villa bali that bus stop lolz.. so i got #11, which would be at least 945pm ^^

so me and amos went to watson to get that neutrogena facial foam cum mask thingy and sunblock. then now got this dunno wad pooh ~~boh~~ bear promotion, if u spent dunno how much, u can get a pooh bear product at $3. this bag caught my eye.. i got the white one.. amos say nice.. but i a bit regret now cos the red one like nicer.. this one machiam national day. =_=

anyways, the doc says should be i drink then gastric produce excess acid thats why stomach upset..

after that i was craving for lontong, mutton rendang and prata and the ambience at simpang bedok. so i ask amos bring me go LOL. he say i nuts this kinda condition go simpang, cant eat oily cant eat spicy, eat wad shit there. den i quote the famous quote by mrs Boo:

just eat la! heck care! why do u think the clinic is juz at my void deck for?

LOL~!!! n so we went. n i ordered a mutton rendang and 1 egg 1 kosong prata. but i only ate a mouthful of each HAHA! cos my stomach cmi..

den i sms-ed ashley and johnson that the doc issue me mc for tonite n tml, then ashley replied:

show me

should be he's busy or something, and he meant to say show him the mc when i return.. but cos before i left he sounds sceptical, and now he lidat say i tot he trying to be mean or wad HAHAHA!

so i took a pic of the mc and mms-ed him the mc pic LOL!

then he reply:

i mean show me the next time u come back to work...

LOL!

haiz. bernard say before working with me will drive him nuts.. but hey! not working with me will let u hav one less blur clown to laugh at leh~ laughing lesser is bad for health k~ wahaha!

aft simpang, me and amos strolled to the playground nearer to his hse, so that later he dun have to walk back so far alone aft i get up the cab for home x)

then we sat down and chat chat a bit at the park =] the sky is so clear tonite.. juz that its too urban le, so not much stars.. unlike if in the same condition and we stand at the carpark of 9 Lock Road, the building of Villa Frangipani x)

though i'm sick, but isnt it a blessing in disguise that me and amos can hav a little bit of quality time cos i got sick? x)

see that white pooh bear bag on amos's right side? yea that's the watson bag ^^
my big big pooh bear amos and the pooh bear bag ^^

i was asking amos, if he don't like to wear red shirt becos he scared ppl take him as the replica of pooh bear, since he looks like pooh bear and pooh bear wears red tee shirt LOL!

missing my big big pooh bear le.. x)

nex sunday is his birthday celebration at the big big room at kbox marina sq.. got ~~pooh~~ pool table and the room capacity can take 30 pax (=O=)!!! as long as he is happy can le la xD

Special Msg to my Qing Ai De~
ting, will u be going? [sms expensive HAHAHA!]

Kicking about @ 5:31 AM
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More Zouk Photos

more zouk photos from wednesday nite x)

yea all the pics only us LOL. reason why? read

Kicking about @ 5:19 AM
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Girls Nite Out

monday nite we had a girls' nite out x)

me jasmin megdalene and teri ^^

after work we went supper at geylang, had soya bean milk, this crispy pastry with pork floss and egg, oyster mee sua, and xiao long bao ^^

on the way there, the company transport we took that nite only has the 4 of us: me jas meg and AJ

it so happen that the whole bus except me are full time smokers LOL!

so the window was wind down, everbody was smoking.. then the uncle tell me:

if u cant beat them, join them LOL

haha the sight was funny, should have taken a pic LOL. the smoking bus!

after me jas n meg had our supper at geylang, we went down to jasmin's hse, for her to chg and drink the soup her papa had made ^^ then we took teri down to the mac opposite jasmin hse, and hang around until 6am x)

me and teri in jasmin's room, with the heap of clothes which cant be stuffed into her big cupboard as background x)

and jasmin's attempt to light 3 ciggs at one goal LOL!

somehow i feel that jasmin n blinkymummy bit bit look alike, character oso x)

Kicking about @ 4:55 AM
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~~Msn got Alien~~ MSN and Blogger got Alien!

lol a lame sequel to this post

basically i signed into msn messenger and i can only read messages from certain ppl.. and cant read msgs from certain ppl tonite!

msgs from certain ppl will appear as dots, and i gotta copy and paste them in my own chat box to be able to read -.-" and i cant log into hotmail too! -.-"

*update 3.45am* WA KAO! i is fukin sure msn n blogger staffs got one leg somehow. -_-
whenever msn got prob, blogger oso fuk up. tsk tsk tsk. i was tryin to upload the screen shots of the chat window and the error screenshots for hotmail, which both pic works well but when its uploaded into the post, both pic turn blue only!!! no content!!!

msn and blogger staffs got abdulted by aliens tonite!

juz kidding. but a bit suspicious leh nb.
Labels: My Random-ness

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Elmo Soh Chee Mo~!

a pic of elmo in his HongKong internship studio..

I miss u cheemo! 3rd December wad time come back? i want go collect u and whine all the way leh! 3 months' worth of whining leh!

budden again, like what ting often reminds:

"can pls slap this gal, she think she ur gf ar?"

not the exact words, but something of this gist la LOL.
maMeEmO~~~

Sincerely,
Joyce Tan

President of The Only Official CheeMo Fanclub
current member count: ???

Kicking about @ 3:16 AM
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Quitting

officially given the 2 weeks advance notice to Villa Bali for my resignation tonite.

i cant bear to part..

not the regulars, not the managers then and now, not the staffs then and now, not the place then and now, not the creatures, not the food, not the drinks, not the dinner from food court upstairs..

i cant bear to part with everything there..

i love the place, i love the work, i love the people so much. that i even dreamt of work on several occasions.. once when i was on MC for a couple of days.. i dreamt that i was working.. once when i only slept 2 hours and went to school for in-campus session for internship programme and came back for a little nap before work in the evening.. i dreamt that i was supposed to be preparing for the function that nite, shouldnt be slping now.. and many more dreams..

i dun talk dun joke dun slack at work with fellow colleagues, not cos i dun like them..

cos i already make enough mistakes when i don't, so if i do i will be worse..

but i had been seen as being too serious too pia too fierce at work..

i would miss everything everywhere and everyone there..

i'm thinking of treating everyone dinner or supper on my last day of internship. i tink the money would be well worth it, cos its a place that i have grown so much, had a large new chapter in life, and worked so happily for more than a year in.

given a choice, i would have choosen to go over to butter factory to work with Keen, or Q-Bar to work with Johnson.. but kinship is in the picture now, the choice is obvious, not the money not the fun, its my man and his mum. x)

besides, my cookie and his mum had been opposing me working in nite life since the day i started on 14th july 2005.. cos they are worried bout my health since i've always been frail and can faint often.. but when they see me working there so happily over the year, they kept quiet.. my mum always supports me with what ever i m doing, and my brother is into nitelife too.. so there's no problem..

the day i decided to ask jac to help me get the interview at villa bali, the day that i had the interview with bernard, the day that i started work at villa bali, i never never never thought that i would get so much out of this job.. that i would cry when i hafta leave.

well. good things is always at moderate. we had fun over the last year, now its time to stop, before things turns sour..

stopping here, collecting all the fond memories, get on with life, open another chapter.

things happen for a reason.

it could be that its time to test the effort and strength of the friendship between me jasmin megdalene weixiang and our friends at villa bali; if we would make the effort to keep in contact, to hang out together..

as much as i do not wish to end the work at villa bali, i do not wish to end this post.. cos at the end of this post, it would really dawn on me that its the end of my work at villa bali..
Labels: My Contradiction, My Khaki, My Work

Kicking about @ 2:55 AM
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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Zouk

never did liked zouk cos too crowded and too much dry ice thingy for my liking LOL.

probably is cos the last two times i didnt go with ppl like my cookie or someone that i can trust and feel secure with ba, thats why didnt enjoyed.

had fun tonite though. went zouk aft work with weixiang and his frens, but end up oso two of us somehow drop outta the herd for some time, cos when they felt like mambo jambo-ing, we are at R&B, and when they feel like R&B, we are at mambo. oh wells.

i only realise how much i cant take liquor tonite LOL.

my first drink was a long island tea, half gls through i cmi liao.

firstly is the taste, but the kick came quite fast.

had some photos taken, but lazy to pluck out the internet wireless usb thingy to sub with the hp file transfer cable usb.. so i mms-ed one pic into my email to load here =]

taste of long island suks.. i wun touch it again..
Labels: My Khaki

Kicking about @ 5:22 AM
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

What Keeps Me 19.

elmo and ting are the ones who makes me realise what more a 19 year old could be doing, other than tv, gaming, part time job, and my more like a husband than that kinda dating boyfriend, Cookie.

i finally got the chance to juz hang around jasmin and weixiang and megdalene.. cos we are working together.. its not ez to find time that suits both sides to meet up.. cos we are doing different kinda lifestyle.. unlike the similarity between me ting n elmo..
so its easier and has more chance to meet..

when i first transit to this job, it is like opening a new chapter in life for me..

i've never been into cliques in 15 years of schooling. when i finally started work at 14, i've always been around the adults. its never a peer environment..

when i came into villa bali, its all my peers..

i experienced a slightly more like my age kinda life.. with the kinda topics and things to think about..

now transiting back to amos's mother's company might mean one thing:

i m back to square one, having my life revolving round amos only.

thats not a very good thing.. he's leaving for australia sooner than i can bat an eyelid..

i still want to meet more ppl, try more things, party more, and see more types of guys, [juz for the sake of seeing at least i wun be regreting in future saying "i haven seen other types of guys and i got married to him le."]

although ultimately i noe i already decided, but i juz want to convince myself more thoroughly of my decision and make myself feel more secure, by not shutting myself away from my peers..
Labels: My Boy, My Contradiction, My Khaki, My Work

Kicking about @ 6:32 AM
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Monday, November 13, 2006

Lonely.

dun feel like blogging tonite..

cos i dun feel like having posts pushing down those posts which are intended for certain individuals' attentions.. posts for my part time bf cum brother, my sister cum mirror, my cookie, and my sister. i don't think they hav seen the intended posts yet.. cos i dun think they hav came into this site for some time?

but i really need somewhere to talk.. to express myself.. to say things without being afraid to get back sarcastic remarks to remind me how dumb i am.

i've been reminded of my stupidity throughout the day at work.. by means of words, acts or isolation.

amos's mum is opening her new shops end of this month.. she asked me to go over to her new cafe to help her..

i cant bear to leave a place where i've worked for more than a year.. i cant bear to part with the surroundings, the tasks, the colleagues good and bad, the regular customers..

and now all the more i cant bear to part, when a time i finally bond closer with frens that i've been drifted away for long periods.. frens that i love so much and miss so often always..

now that they are by my side, working with me, but i have to leave.. i cant bear to part..

once i leave, it would return back to square one, where we were busy with our own lifes, so far apart..

becos of difference in opinion and our own obstinance, though we would miss each other, but we do not get together much..

now i m finally on the same line with weixiang and jasmin again, since those days in orchestra, i really dun wan to leave.. not now.. cos i noe in very near future, when his day job starts or when his uni starts, we will definitely drift far again.. but at least for now i can still pester him..
when sch starts for me, i will definitely be apart from jasmin again.. cos of our own hectic schedules and commitment in relationships.. but at least now.. we can be making noise together..

at work or when the 3 of us are together.. i always seems to be the aloof one, the reserved one.. not cos i dun like their companionship.. not cos i dun like what they do.. is cos i want so much to be close to them like before.. but i dunno how to get closer.. i fear rejection.. i fear disappointment.. i fear loss.

money is no longer that much of an issue for me when deciding where to work.. this is the last half yr i can have this low a commitment level for work..

i wan to be happy working.. juz like those days when Keen & Johnson, and the rest of the old colleagues are still around..

now the issue is more like a gentleness that dun belong to me, and i never understood how it works since 6yrs back, but i juz want to hold a tinge of it; and a friendship that i had taken granted 6yrs back, i juz want to do my best to love and be loved; and a new friend that i so much so much so much wants to make her my best friend; but all these i dunno how.

like ting says, the harder u grasp a handful of sand, the more it falls. i mite be trying too hard.

probly juz a moment of weakness, i mite be betta when i wake up for office later.

juz very demoralised bout work, heartache bout friendship, and depressed bout everything else including everything.
Labels: My Contradiction, My Khaki, My Random-ness, My Work

Kicking about @ 4:00 AM
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I Feel Like An Idiot.

i feel really useless..

feel like hiding away somewhere.. or juz sit at east coast's Beach Cabana all nite. but i would hate to be at a place where sunrise would reflect on the earliest.

juz wanna hide away.. away from peoples' eyes.. judgement.. impression..

probably only in the nite, at a place like cabana, no one would give a hoot about me.

i feel like an idiot at work, at school, at home, at friends'.

at work, i never seem to do anything right. because i always feel and heard comments on me that don't seem to mean i am on the right track, i make sure i do not slack during operations. i juz keep moving keep doing, in hope that being hard working can make up for the other insufficience.

but still, sense no positive things.

can someone please, do a good deed. bring me away for a little while.

i wanted to escape into the fume and drinks on wednesday nite, at zouk, but i m not granted a thursday off. i've got a tuesday instead..

i wanted to ask for companion to drink at cabana aft work on monday.. but my only companion says he can't make it..

probably i'll juz get to a club on wednesday aft work, drinks, dance, vent it all out. probly when i have a little drop too much, i'll be less aware of myself, my stupidity, my taking up of excess resources juz by the mere being of me.
Labels: My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 3:48 AM
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Saturday, November 11, 2006

I Wanna Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
I wanna make you smile,

Whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All I wanna do,

Is grow old with you



I'll get you medicine,

When your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

It would be so nice,

Growin' old with you



I'll miss you, kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold.

Need you, feed you.

I'll even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink

Oh I could be the man,

Who grows old with you



I wanna grow old with you.
found this romantic song at romantic-lyrics.com x) so sweet rite the lyrics!
but i never hear this song before lehz. n hor. i dun have the impression that adam sandlers sing LOL.
Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 6:29 AM
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Friday, November 10, 2006

I'm Not Ok But I will Be Ok

wahaha. silverwolf is brotherhood enough man~ early morn wake up read my blog and sms me if i m alrite, cos my blog sounds depressing LOL.

and rixie too ^^

quoting from yi ting,

i'm not ok, but i will be ok.
Labels: My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 12:46 PM
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What the Fuck am I Doing?

i woke up earlier and rushed to school to do a report for work. i woke up later than i should, i took a cab down to school and took a cab to work. the paper and the files and the cab fares total $30.

i threw that report away into Joglo Bar's bin. cos i was very disappointed at some things.

in my moment of weakness, i was expecting that if i open up to someone supposedly my good sister, she would give me a little attention and make me feel less lonely and lost. but due to miscommunication, things went worse.

i called a brother since yesterday he ask if i want to go club today. but i tot i would be too occupied bout work so i declined. sent him a sms instead cos his side too noisy he can't hear me.

but he never reply..

mayb the place reception bad? mayb the dance floor too squeezy? mayb battery low.

but either way i shouldnt be upset and disappointed. cos i wasnt even supposed to be holding this expectation, this anticipation at all.

they don't owe me.

i m the one who screwed myself into this mess.

i called mac delivery even though i wasnt very keen on eating. neither am i keen on waiting for about an hour for its arrival.

what the fuck am i doing?

i is so fuktard.

though late, but she finally realise i m indeed not OK. so she smsed me to find out and so on. and said she would call me after she's done supper with her boy. but i decline.. i dunno is i scared rejection or wad. but either way, i m the one who asked for attention. i m the one who push people away. what the fuck am i doing?

now she's a bit sad cos she felt useless that she cant do anything to help me.

reminds me of the time when momo wants to talk, but miscommunication, and he felt that i won't understand.. so he shuts off.. and i sit there crying some nites cos i felt useless not being able to do anything for my buddy.

sorry my dear. pls don't feel sad.. u dun owe me..
Labels: My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 2:19 AM
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Thursday, November 09, 2006

I m Tired

i m tired. i guess i m really tired. i just nearly fell off my chair. i lean back n realise my chair backing is not facing my back =.=

the bad side of a swivel chair lolx.

a pro once said:

teenagers these days stay up late nights because they are trying to run away from the expectations of them.

oh wells. maybe.

but what's silver wolf doing up so late? LOL!

*runs off and lock the door, hides in bed. no big bad wolf can coax little piglet to open door loR! wahaha!*

actually its juz me being random, and so happen to drag lawrence into the picture because of his nick HAHAHA!
Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 6:05 AM
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What If We weRE or We aRE Together?

one day, went chilling out with a guy that i used to like, and he used to like me too.

we used to like each other, but things just didnt work out. can't remember why also haha! so young then. it was a time when he was so rebellious that he nearly went into boys' home LOL, when he is actually a very bright student, and later on a student leader, and later in NS climbed pretty high rank.

we were just chatting bout the past, when he told me he was asking one of his ex girlfren why they didnt work out. LOL. so i ask him, why we didnt work out ar?

he remembered the details and answered me. something i didnt remember, surprisingly, cos i usually remember such details, or do i? LOL.

but i answered my own question loudly haha.

with our character, even if we did got together back then, it would be day in day out arguements. cos he is a man who is high on his ego, and i m a girl high on my ego too, and i m often too dense to sense his sensitive issues LOL. sure fight from sunrise to sunset. =]

its nice that we are still friends now, he sees a lot of my blind spots of myself, and i saw a lot of his. but now that i've grown slightly wiser, i noe when to shut up. LOL! often pissed that he juz shoots off and point out and iron things out in his way, but quite glad he often sets me thinking lol.

we were saying something bout chilling out again soon. but busy period coming for both of us, and right after that, guess he would be busy having appointments with other guys and giRLs, since by then his peers would have finished university exams, then time for clubbing..

oh wells. i was sayin by then he won't have time to entertain me.

he says for me he would. wells, he don't usually say flamboyant words to entertain me. in fact these years we often get pissed with each other cos we are so used to talking in ~~mean~~ blunt manner to each other.

so i hope he mean it. after the things that happen lately, i find it painful to trust someone totally without doubting at all, cos when disappointment kicks in, it hurts like hell.

dun bluff me leh. i'll cry leh. =]
Labels: My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 5:06 AM
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Blogger Beta

mysticvulcan's influence months back about having labels for the blog entries didnt waver me, but now li ann and khryz's influence made me decided to shift over to blogger beta LOL

sad is, khryz shifted over to wordpress, so cannot make blogskin le..

hey can anyone tell me how to like have a list of the labels at the sidebar, as though those of wordpress? cos now is can juz click on the labels at the end of some of my posts which i had added label, then u will see all the post with the similar label, but hor, what if i haven posted under the particular label like for months, then how to go find the others?!

-_-"

*Update*

wahaha i took 5 minutes to solve this question!
i is so clever wahaha~! see the drop boxes on the right side bar? the drop boxes are usually for my contact links, now i add another for my blog post labels! yippEE~!
Labels: My Question

Kicking about @ 4:45 AM
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Express Your Love for Me x)

The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results
Physical Touch:
9
Acts of Service:
8
Quality Time:
8
Words of Affirmation:
5
Receiving Gifts:
0

Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz
Labels: My Boy, My Question

Kicking about @ 4:46 AM
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Advance Birthday Dinner

LOL

today is the 7th november, even if considering now is 8th november, my new colleague andrew's birthday, its also still way too early to have an advance birthday celebration for my amos lor LOL

but in case the week i m too busy bcos of work, or too broke cos its month end, so i decided to give him a treat at vivo city sushi tei tonite ^^

cos when we went in, it was already last order, so we juz one shot order all we want.. think got 7 or 8 items total ba LOL

end up, we too full lor, i only ate two mouths of my curry udon, but the other good stuffs like prawn with mentaiko, scallop with miso and cheese, DIY bbq beef with miso sauce etc, we ate first la.. so not so regretful LOL.

the dinner cost $90+ sia. that day amos and his mum n cousin went to eat, 3 person only $70+ LOL

after that we went to have a walk at the promenade outside vivocity.. the nite view of the cable cars with neon lights, and sentosa is beautiful =]

after that we were considering going to villa bali for a drink before we go home, but end up we went to east coast park's Beach Cabana, where me n weixiang went the day before. had a chadonnay and a snowball LOL. amos always drinks snowball x) i dun really like the snowball there.. cos they added lime juice.. i prefer juz advocaat and 7up.. hate that fake fake lime juice taste..

had a little walk, and some very funny conversation LOL. somehow i threatened him something and i won LOL! that's seldom. cos he dun seem to be able to be threatened lor usually wahahaha! now when i can i betta win more, cos aft he take his psychology course, i wun be able to win le!!! -_-"

its something like, he does some pretty dumb stuff, so i say, if he don't quit, i'll join him doing it.
he was heartache that if i was supposed to be doing that too la. so he decided to quit LOL! he said if it was another gal he wouldnt have mind, but its me then cannot x)

i love the way he dotes me, the way he got nervous x)

ask me bout the conversation k? cos its not suitable for parents to noe so its not to be posted here LOL!
Labels: My Boy

Kicking about @ 2:27 AM
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Jasmin's Birthday

jasmin's birthday is 5th november.. so on the 4th, before work, me n meg went to international plaza's sweet secrets to get her concorde cake. cos she only likes that cake =_=
every yr her bday she would get that cake.. one yr, me her n big joyce, the 3 of us bought one of that cake from marine parade sweet secret and we went to east coast park n eat LOL

we pa kat with her boyfren jason, that he would tell her that he is not coming to fetch her aft work that nite, and that he didnt prepare a present for her birthday. and for us we would try n irritate her a bit at work, and act like no plans for her birthday LOL

end up, we didnt need to do much to torture her, 4th november is damn eventful LOL

that silly gal somehow got into a arguement with her boy and her brother, lost her handphone at our workplace's toilet, and wore the wrong uniform to work that nite. LOL

i was thinkin damn this is so gonE. scarli she is so screwed bcos of these things that nite, then she kana send home from work at 11pm then the cake would be so god damn wasted lor!

lucky is never hahaha

about 1am, her boy reached and ask me to pass her a tiny bear bearing a pair of earrings for her.. dense jasmin tot its from me LOL. she was sweeping floor halfway when i passed her the earrings haha.. so she continued sweeping with the bear still in her hand LOL

aft debrief, i waited for her to leave the room before i go to the cake fridge to take out her birthday cake.. nb she walk fuking slow leh!!!

then i was a bit pek chek liao cos the managers gonna set the burglar alarm timer, then she still come back and ask if she should collect back glasses from this table tat the customer juz went off -.-" i was already holding the plastic bag lor. then later on when i was setting up the cake, she walk back again. fukin pissed leh. LOL i shout over to her:

nb u can fuking juz sit at that table outside and dun move onot.. cb i wan surprise u very tiring leh u keep walking around!

lol. after she finally settle down at a table, and borrowing light from a nearby table, i came in with the cake with candle first, then meg, then jason behind her, holding 99 crimson roses ^^

so sweet neh!

sang birthday song for her with the customers at the nex table LOL

cos the concorde cake that was available was the 1kg, cos the 0.5kg was sold out, we had a hard time finishing the cake sia LOL

only 4 person lor!

then we went to bedok85 to eat ba chor mee, meg's albert came down too. they look so cute together!! ^^

then on 5th november, jasmin n jason went to have their own celebration dinner, then they went to cineleisure kbox at 1030pm. and stayed till 6am WOO~!

after work i went over to join them, jason's sister and her bf was there too.

^-^ had 2 beer, and a good time screaming my lungs out. and bump into mu ye, my ex villa bali colleague who's birthday was 6th november ^^

picture time~!

her Muah Chee Jason with the 99 roses

Concorde Chocolate Cake from Sweet Secrets

on 5th november, at cineleisure kbox

this birthday i guess should be pretty special to her ba..
her first birthday celebrating as mrs muah chee, if i not wrong, its also the first meg organise for her =]

she happy can le x)
Labels: My Khaki

Kicking about @ 1:42 AM
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Beginning of the month... HIGH ar.. LOL

as wad amos loves to express these days when he's feeling good:

High aR~

lol. had a lot of fun amidst the really depress and disappointed and stress bout work period.

in summary,

celebrated jasmin's birthday for 2 consecutive nites, then went drinking with weixiang yesterday after work, then later going to treat amos nice dinner for his birthday in advance.. wAY advance LOL his brithday is 29th, but i would most likely be busy then ma LOL. so now off we do a bit of thing first, in case that time really cmi still not so sad ma ^^

photos and details, laters~

me is gonna go bath and get out to bugis to pass ting her log book then go gai gai with my big cookie!

i was told that
some of my friends
felt that the love between
me and amos
is like a dying flame
and he isn't like very sweet to me

its alright
thanks for the concern
i ain't upset by these words at all

call me stubborn and pigheaded as usual
but its okie.
i'll stand by my choice
my boy
cos its me living this life with him

if i am supposed to be affected by such comments
then what difference would i be
from a bimbo
who juz wants
a hunk as boyfriend
to show the world?

i m glad
for everything else i do
i need peoples' words
of affirmation
to boost my confidence in my choice
but not for my choice of my boy

你对我的好
我竟然都不知道
全都是我的朋友告诉我
我才知道你付出了多少
关于爱
我实在懂得太少
如果你不说
我真的不知道
你对我的好
我想我还太小
和你比起来过于浪漫无聊
你像空气给我拥抱
但我看不到
所以以为不重要
你对我的好
我怎么会失去才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会
听朋友说才知道
你对我的好
我怎么会感觉不到
你对我的好
你对我的好

i used to agree with this song on the part
that people around me
tell me how good he is to me
to dawn on me
how much i took him for granted
in our first yrs in this relationship

but then i realise in this song too
it would be a damn sad thing
if i gotta wait
to hear such words of affirmation
from the others
about him

especially
when my principle
is that no third person
be it frens family or another guy
would be the one affecting
my decision in a relationship

if i would be with him
or break with him
it would be
because we can't work things out
together
anymore

i want to be with him.

with this simple line
as the finishing line
i'll juz work towards it
no matter what comes

that simple
that's me
simple minded moron
Labels: My Boy, My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 5:01 PM
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Friday, November 03, 2006

My First Photoshopped Photo

Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 5:32 AM
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LOL!

haha silverwolf read the last post and mistook elmo as my boyfriend. LOL.
Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 4:34 AM
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CheeMO~!

so happy so happy so happy so happy so happy so happy~!

Elmo called me from hongkong juz now when i log on msn after work!

x)

*tears of joy*

momo, its tough being lonely there, can see cant touch, can hear cant hug your ah kai and ur girlies; bear with it, we'll flood u with our saliva in 4 wks time =D

dun get urself sick again k? whatever u do, dun skip meal again. it will make u depressed and dumb, then u become DumMo.

miz ya, miz ya thinking for me, miz ya not allowing me to club, miz ya being dumb and da nan ren, miz ya hiding away like small boy, miz #81, miz odyssey 4831, miz the nites at muthu tiam, miz the nites we max the stereo in ur odyssey and run along tampines ave 10, miz everything everytime since april =D
Labels: My Khaki

Kicking about @ 2:41 AM
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Thursday, November 02, 2006

When would u see this?

my sister, who do not have the time to read or tag my blog, actually took out the time to blog a post to tell me thing.

its was a very simple thing that i had thought, but it triggered a lifelong regret of hers, as is mine.

all i want to say is,

if u still insist that i was throwing temper at u, so be it.
i only said i do not want to talk about ANYTHING that has ANY relation with that person and that matter, period. becos i noe i've had enough of this shit, i do not want to even let myself be reminded about it; and i definitely do not have that patience to have my mind on this matter.

it is juz that simple a thing that i had in mind. i was directing it at the matter and not the person. whoever it may be, u jiahui or whoever. this would still be the same reply. that is why she gave me her msn to talk about this matter, but i chose not to add. enough is enough.

he who has nothing to do with me, i can accept the fact that he is my mother's fren. i can accept him juz to please my mother. but don't expect me to be able to totally remove my shield to someone whom i really find hard to trust totally again.

he whom i have nothing to do with, some crazy fuken bitch called to hurl abuse at me juz becos of his carelessness or guts. make me shiver in fear like those yrs that we have long buried away in that house. not just once.

he whom i have nothing to do with, i have to keep having my limited waking moments at home, sharing my limited time to have my mother's concern becos my mother is afraid that i m upset by that matter, which would not in the first place have started if not of him.

i m selfish. i dun want to get disappointed again by my own father, or by the man whom i had harboured hope of being a fatherly figure before, so i stay away. away from them, their words, their actions, their concern, their promises, their news.

i dunno how u were thinking when our aunts and uncles tell u about what he did, during new yr. i didnt say a word. i pretended i didnt hear. i wished i was deaf. can i at least juz keep the proud memories and not let anymore of these vapourise what little i have left?

i m glad i m good at running away. i m glad i m good at forgetting unhappy things.

memories before primary 4, even as far as 3 years old, i remember, crystal clear.

that two years, i did a good job of having only brief recounts of the happenings.. but i juz cant bury the feelings.

the day when hong rui shouted at me: shut up u single parent child!

he didnt mean it. he regretted till today. so? nothing can be changed.

i noe i m not the only one who got hurt. i m the one most protected already. u all have different ways of handling, and this is mine, my choice. i run. i bury. i forget.

u told me its my choice to be happy or sad. i have the choice to choose to be angered or not.
i choose to not think about these things, but move on to other happier things.

u meant to tell me how to handle the problem this time, to minimise my unhappiness. u love me.
i have my ways of handling, i will stretch for u if i cant handle it. but if i m doing well on my on with my method, but u pull me back to help me, it is juz putting me back to where i was, deleting my effort.

calcium is good for me i noe, but if i already had my just share of daily intake, and u noe its good, and wants to give me, u can't be insisting that i take it right? excess intake of calcium causes stones in the innards.

i remember very casually telling u:

i don't want to talk about this.

it could be my tone that u mistaken as i'm throwing temper at u, for that i apologise.
but i was also very disappointed that u did the same as mummy. as long as i show rejection, u would start flaring. this is not like our usual conversation. i would hold my breathe and let u finish always. but this is something really too much that i dun want to start, cos i may lose control.

through this post i cried. cos i was afraid of losing u, cos i was disappointed, cos my heart ache for mum, cos i am angry with him, cos i m confused.

i had this post in my annonymous blog shared with my buddy on july 3rd. i didnt want to post here. i dun like ppl to noe about this past. i dun like ppl to look at me with that kinda eye like wad my primary sch teachers who noes does. i dun like ppl to even have the possibility of reminding me anything of it. cos it took that many years, and a lifetime of regret to bury, which till the end, how deep it's buried, would still surface every now and then as a lifetime of regret.
since u all felt that i m so desensitize to our family, here goes.

Is it that difficult for family to stay together?
isnt it a natural thing that families should stay together?

why..

since 10 years old, i lived a life without a father by my side. in fact for the past few yrs, i even did not maintain contact with him.. so much so tat during my uncle's funeral, he did not recognise me when i call him dad. he asked his sister who's this and appearantly got chided.
and recently my mother asked me when's father's day. i ignore her n walked away. she asked again. "u asking me?" a child who lived a life without father, got shouted in the face, "shut up u single parent child!", as a transfer student. i'm not saying its her fault, juz that shouldnt she be sensitive enough not to ask me such thing?

and today i received two bad news in a day.

my brother and sister in law has decided to split since 2 months back, but they hid the matter from us. they didnt hid that well though. cos i did realise things are not right since me n my mum's birthday in april. and of late, most of the nites in a week she's not home.

this afternoon she came back and packed all her things and left.

my mum was shocked and crying after that. cos she was heartache for my bro.

he had always been working hard for the family, yearning to have a family of his own so that he can do better as a man, and not like what he used to h¡ve !s a`famély when he was a boù.

<æont style="font-style: italic;">when other kids are at clubs having fun, he was working there.

when other boys are in that two yr, they juz train n slack n clueless bout time, except counting down to the time for them to redeem back their freedom, he had to work too, and a van knocked him when he was at work on a bike, and he broke his wrist.

after that two yrs, he continued working at where he had achieved much even when he wasn't of age; he got into a work related accident and got burnt from the back of his hands all the way up till his face. luckily the scars only remained at the hand, while the rest healed. at that time, he call home and lied that he was at the chalet during his stay in the hospital.

when other guys are chasing skirts and watching soccer, he was holding 3 jobs, to buy a home for his mother and sister, to let them feel secure. to buy textbook for his sister, he scrimped and save, a packet of cigg and a packet of buns with fillings from the mama-shop was all he had a day.

he's always working hard.. why.. when he thought that his dream of opening a bar with his wife, and he plays the guitar while she sings along on stage, is but a short-lived dream?

they worked hard for that for barely a year.. end of july 2005 they opened the bar.. they worked hard together.. giving up their previous jobs.. worked hard together side by side.. he played the guitar and she sings along..

i dunno how he's coping with this.. apparently, he seems to have come to terms with the issue, and he seems all normal today. i do hope he is not putting a strong front for us.

i rather him punching the wall like the time his first galfren left. at least my mama noes how to get in to console him then. now we cant..

he yearns so much for his own family, a child of his own.. to rectify all the wrong his father did when he was a boy, to do much much better than his father did.

i as a sister is such a failure. i do nothing but waste his money away, not studying hard enough, misusing all the luxury he provides me, and for the past 5 years, it seems we do not speak more than 15 sentences a month. our only common topic is my allowance and left over foods my mum cooked.

and the other bad news is that now my sister and brother in law n my little niece has applied to migrate to australia, where my bro in law's mother is. they'll leave in 3 years time.

i do not and could not comprehend at all this decision.

if it is already not possible for singaporeans to have all the family members of-age or not, married or not, all the generations under one roof, then can we at least have everyone residing in this island? it is a little hassle having to pay to role play as sardine once a while for those who lives across the island from where their other family members lives, but what's that 1 hr at most, $15 cab fare at most travel cost compared to a plane flight? my mother already do not mind traveling for an hour plus to go over to my sister's house to find them every saturday, but what happens 3 years later when they are off to australia?

not that i want to be selfish and not think of the mother who is in australia alone. but hey, she's there for years, alone. but why should u youngsters leave behind the rest of your herd, your career to go there too? its not guaranteed that a living over there is simpler, cheaper, slacker.

besides, haven they been intolerant of her attitudes and attics during her short stay last year?

i grew up in an extended family which has probably so much cousins that we might not know all when we meet. i have cousins age of my parents or even older than my father, and nephew my age. those distant once whom we do not contact much aside, i have at least 6 sets of uncles and aunties whom we sees whenever festive or in need.

at least they have so many siblings to be there to discuss and help when in need. one migrated to hongkong decades ago, and there still left many.. now that my uncle is gone, his sister is taking care of his wife n daughter now..

but us? we've only us. 3 siblings. i'm doted by two of them that's the most blessed thing. they haven been seeing eye to eye since many years back.. i do not remember why.. but i heard its probably bcos of the different ways they take care of me.

now that i do not discuss much of many growing up issues with my brother, at least some things i can still discuss with my sister who is open enough to allow nonsense and not jump immediately but guide me gently. how bout in future when she's there?

technology is advance. in fact now already we are communicating via blog emails and handphones. but juz count how often she's able to go online and do all these now that she has a little baby who cries whenever she's out of sight? by the time they should depart for australia, the baby would be 3 years old, but they do have interest in producing more.

i dont like this at all. not the least. i know its childish of me to say that i do not like it and wish that the problem just vaporise. i also know that the world does not revolve round me, thus i should go along with the revolving motion and stop pausing to whine. even my mum understood that and for once she didnt comment, but juz expressed it to me briefly, saying:

aiya i dun say anything la, later they say i whining.

but hey, i also do realise all these things could have been worked out, in a better manner.

now i m really seriously having second thoughts of working hard with the objective being i want to build a family next time. whats the point of building to be demolished?

is it that difficult for family to stay together at all?

but then again, don't read too much into it and bite on my words. a lot of things are off the rash emotional side, at that point in time. readin too deep, too far and too long sometimes is unwise.

sketch the unpleasant in the sand, and the pleasant on a rock. as khryz said, gone with the wind.

i juz meant to say, u misunderstood me. holy shit. its juz one sentence, n i m actually posting sucha freakin long post..

in summary: u misunderstood what i meant. i had been keepin things open when me n u talk, juz this one time, i reject and u jumped and surprised me. that all. i still love u. nothing's changed.

probly u wun see this post.. not soon.. or mayb never. cos u are always so busy.. i was jealous when i see ur tag on maggie's..

to u it mite be mundane to read or to blog, but to me, to be able to even read that very short post or juz a picture post of ur 3 blogs, is a bliss.. to be able to share a bit of ur life, even though we are busy apart. i'll keep chging the date of this post, to make it always at the top of the blog page.. till the day u saw n tagged. =]
Labels: My Family

Kicking about @ 4:43 AM
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My Dirty Little Secret

the other post i was sayin this gal whom i noe who turn her back and bite my new fren rite.

k wad happened was, this photographer took pic for her, then she take photo le dun pay money, still tell her mum she did. then the mother go chase after my fren.

and she went to the extent to chging her hp number. bimbotic _-_zZz

but she was later found cos she dumbly sent in those photos as her portfolio pic for some modelling agency, and little did her pea brain dawn on her that photographers and models and modelling agencies are closely nitted, by left or by right, u mite meet one day cos the circle is in SINGAPORE. it ain't tat big.

i remember laughing when i noe she send in to a modelling agency. cos i tot bimbos like her keep wanting to become famous only. wad else.

but thinking bout it, it has also been my little secret dream to become a model, to be dolled up by professionals and take pretty photos, and be the central of attention and attraction.

i should admire her courage and confidence in her ugly face charactor and figure, and knowing she would be rejected most probably she still went ahead.

oh wells.

to make myself feel better, thou shall manifest loudly, in public [my blog is public] so as not to be inferior to that bimbo:

I DREAM TO BECOME A MODEL.

Labels: My Contradiction

Kicking about @ 2:44 AM
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Birkies for All~!

yea~! finally decided the birkies designs, now left to check the price with fabian and see if he can get us a cheaper price than online, then we will place the order!

surprisingly my boy chose the pisa cutting for himself ^^ yea now can really matching matching le~! exactly same de =D

then li ann chose a madrid 2007 kimono black design for herself, and a plain blue one for her freddie ^^

Labels: My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 3:09 PM
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Physical Touch:		9
Acts of Service:		8
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		0