Monday, November 13, 2006
Lonely.
dun feel like blogging tonite..
cos i dun feel like having posts pushing down those posts which are intended for certain individuals' attentions.. posts for my part time bf cum brother, my sister cum mirror, my cookie, and my sister. i don't think they hav seen the intended posts yet.. cos i dun think they hav came into this site for some time?
but i really need somewhere to talk.. to express myself.. to say things without being afraid to get back sarcastic remarks to remind me how dumb i am.
i've been reminded of my stupidity throughout the day at work.. by means of words, acts or isolation.
amos's mum is opening her new shops end of this month.. she asked me to go over to her new cafe to help her..
i cant bear to leave a place where i've worked for more than a year.. i cant bear to part with the surroundings, the tasks, the colleagues good and bad, the regular customers..
and now all the more i cant bear to part, when a time i finally bond closer with frens that i've been drifted away for long periods.. frens that i love so much and miss so often always..
now that they are by my side, working with me, but i have to leave.. i cant bear to part..
once i leave, it would return back to square one, where we were busy with our own lifes, so far apart..
becos of difference in opinion and our own obstinance, though we would miss each other, but we do not get together much..
now i m finally on the same line with weixiang and jasmin again, since those days in orchestra, i really dun wan to leave.. not now.. cos i noe in very near future, when his day job starts or when his uni starts, we will definitely drift far again.. but at least for now i can still pester him..
when sch starts for me, i will definitely be apart from jasmin again.. cos of our own hectic schedules and commitment in relationships.. but at least now.. we can be making noise together..
at work or when the 3 of us are together.. i always seems to be the aloof one, the reserved one.. not cos i dun like their companionship.. not cos i dun like what they do.. is cos i want so much to be close to them like before.. but i dunno how to get closer.. i fear rejection.. i fear disappointment.. i fear loss.
money is no longer that much of an issue for me when deciding where to work.. this is the last half yr i can have this low a commitment level for work..
i wan to be happy working.. juz like those days when Keen & Johnson, and the rest of the old colleagues are still around..
now the issue is more like a gentleness that dun belong to me, and i never understood how it works since 6yrs back, but i juz want to hold a tinge of it; and a friendship that i had taken granted 6yrs back, i juz want to do my best to love and be loved; and a new friend that i so much so much so much wants to make her my best friend; but all these i dunno how.
like ting says, the harder u grasp a handful of sand, the more it falls. i mite be trying too hard.
probly juz a moment of weakness, i mite be betta when i wake up for office later.
juz very demoralised bout work, heartache bout friendship, and depressed bout everything else including everything.Labels: My Contradiction, My Khaki, My Random-ness, My Work
Kicking about @ 4:00 AM
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Joyce Tan
13th April 1987
chocolat3_ch1p5@hotmail.com
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Coordinator for Wedding Photography and Videography @
36Frames♠A Photo Story♠Vocare Media Productions
Attached since 10th Aug 2001 to a wonderful guy named Amos
The only constant on earth is change. since i will grow and my concepts will change, and i cant think of a contemporary blog name, thus i shall name it unnamed.
No Name Applicable.
Commission from 12 deals a monthGot it this month!Harry Potter and the Death HallowsLoft Bed New Fire-engine Red Heels (broke mine) Mahjong SetYanzi's 2007 AlbumNew pair of shadesMatching Birkenstock with Amos Dejavu Mascara, Black More Dresses Hair Curling/Straightening IronLove Eternally by Deborah WrightPhotoshopCupboard
Amos's birthday on 29th November
celebrating at MOS~!
- I Feel Like An Idiot.
- I Wanna Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
- I'm Not Ok But I will Be Ok
- What the Fuck am I Doing
- I m Tired
- What If We weRE or We aRE Together?
- Blogger Beta
- Express Your Love for Me x)
- Advance Birthday Dinner
- Jasmin's Birthday
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