No Name Applicable

Monday, May 10, 2010

Faith

Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 3:44 PM
| Post Url | |

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Managing Money

Money in money out, no idea where your moolah gone eh? or money in, money saved, but no growth?

Best banking moves to make in 2008
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Question

Kicking about @ 1:15 AM
| Post Url | |

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Checklist before Break Up

saw this article on yahoo homepage today. lolx pretty good.

see many people dump their partners for silly reasons, i "tear" for them either in sadness or in laughter. i is glad me and my boy had not gave in to these common silly reasons in our 6 years. oh btw, i is leaving for work, so i can't list the silly reasons. do give the article a read, it stated most of the silly reasons LOL.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Logic, My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 12:06 PM
| Post Url | |

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Photography: The Art

I was meeting a couple today with George and Sam.

The bride told me about a photographer who was recommended to her by friends, but she does not find them fantastic because she finds that he kept shooting items in various angles in every wedding, but she could not feel the emotions nor the story behind the series of photos to intrigue her to scroll down to look at more photographs.

After the meeting, 10.30pm, we were discussing about what we had learn in that meeting.

Not only were we having the KFC which I bought at 7.30pm, we had some food for thought...

Previously, we have only considered what we would like to express through our photography and videography works, to make every single wedding work that we document to become a unique keepsake for each individual couple.

But we have never had a comprehensive thought about the differences in our styles that we are trying to project, as a value added unique selling point for each artist.

The first question the bride asked:
I've looked through all your photographers work, but as a layman, I really see no difference to choose one of them.

Do you usually allocate a photographer who is available on my wedding date to me, or what?

Can you tell me in simple terms what are their differences?

Glad that I have these experienced artists with me, George explained to her in a very comprehensive way, just that the answer is really too long for me to remember LOL.

Out of soOOOOOoo many wedding journalist, how to choose a good one?

Conclusion:
As Elliot Erwitt said,
All the technique in the world doesn’t compensate for the inability to notice.
Are you looking for photographs that are beautiful and can even be framed and hang on the wall as a piece of art, or are you looking for photographs that freeze emotions right in the moment it unfold?

Very fruitful meeting, even if the couple chose another photographer at the end of the day, we gained something priceless tonight x)
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Work

Kicking about @ 1:42 AM
| Post Url | |

Friday, July 27, 2007

Thank God for the Wisdom . . .

. . . to stop myself from sending those smses to retaliate on impulse, though i was very hurt by those words at that time.

cos all i thought was i haven met her for a long time, and i have just gotten my pay, i really don't mind treating her supper cos she muz be financially tight since haven got a job.

when her reply sounds quite relax, i didn't thought much of it, but replied and ask so as to clarify what her last message was actually about.

sometimes when people live directly opposite a damn huge lake and grasslands nearby, and in Singapore, and when its the season for Dengue, you need not have fever to scare the shit outta yourself that you have dengue. a mosquito bite accompanied by red spots would be sufficient. and besides, the weather suddenly turn cool, so many people got flu. so it makes things more difficult to understand sometimes.

therefore when i got the reply that sounded relac, of cos i didnt thought much.

Me: where u? wan meet me a while?
Reply: i m home trying very hard to figure out if i am having dengue
Me: har? that means you are having fever now and cannot come out?

kcuf. i forgot to keypad lock my phone, the message got deleted.

anyway, the reply says something like:

wtf kinda question you asking. if you need someone at the moment sry i cant be there; in fact i think i would need someone more urgently if this kcuf-ing fever don't go down.

i was standing at bugis village bus stop, thinking how should be the fastest way to get down to meet her, how would be the best way to not spend too much moola for us both, if she haven have enough how much can i pay for her.

the first reaction i have when i got the message, i cry.

when i recover from the shock, i got angry.

the first reply that came to my mind was:

perra, htf do i noe wtf is exactly wrong when you sound like you are fine, i just want to clarify that i did not interpreted the sms wrongly. i don't kcufing need your sympathy for kcuf's sake, if you had been nice to me so far cos you are merciful and not cos you cherish me as a friend, i rather be alone. and btw, i am not a unwanted puppy at SPCA. kcuf.

i typed and deleted the message twice. cos now that i noe she's sick, i m in a dilemma as to be angry or wad. but i m very hurt, with my style i can never take this lying down.

and all these happen when i had a slight arguement with amos and problems at work.

i couldn't bear taking bus 12 for 1 hour plus to get home with all that grievance in me. wanted to get a cab but can't flag any. good that i called one and nearly immediately got one.

even better, my phone battery flat so i can't call her back and F her upside down, giving her a piece of my mind. oh btw, in the first place its cos my phone low batt hence the sms-convo hence the misunderstanding cos i can't hear how ~~sick~~ she sounded.

i got up the cab, thought for a while. the air con cooled me down. i snatched the phone from the cab driver and called her. k not exactly snatched. i is no robber.

i asked the uncle if he can lend me his phone to make a call cos mine is low batt. then he was pretty reluctant. but already taking out, just that still trying to make me understand that he has a earphone joint to the phone, so its very troublesome to lend me the phone.

kcuf, scrooge.

i say: sorry uncle, don't worry i will put back for you
while my hands already stretch over and pluck the phone out.

the uncle was quite grouchy for the rest of the journey though the phone call was only 2 minutes.

i called her and ask her whats up. she told me why she's so flared up cos everyone has been OVERLY CONCERNED and had been telling her:

are u dengue? i m worried. for goodness sake go do a blood test.

like as if she does not already register that statement in her mind. she just needs to know if she is with that scary epidemic. though these people are concerned no doubt, but their statements are totally inconstructive and retarded.

i told her i m on my way back to east side, i can bring her to the 24 hour ah neh clinic (btw, the doctor looks like Suren, he offers many days of MC the last time jacq went to him LOL)

i can hear how frighten she is then. literally shaky voice.

i just cant be angry anymore but get worried cos she's usually ultimate garang-ness.

if i was the one in the case of worrying and suspecting if i m having dengue, i would be pestering her and whining, then she'll be tempted to slap and she will say:

you think i look like doctor isit. you sit here and whine will get well isit. go see doctor la!

when she slightly calmed down later on, through her groggyness she still remember that she was nasty to me LOL.

she blogged:
OKAYS! after i typed so much.. joycie just told me halley kena twice [i thought i told you he got it thrice?] so i asked him abt it. now i'm feeling better! though i still dunno if it is dengue. roar!
i ask many qns n he tried to ans until he said.. "hard to say de leh " "dengue got 4 kinds lehz"

roar!

aiya. i should be ok la.. still can be high n crap around. mood still swing like fuck. just like the normal pms me ma.

sorry to those that i responsed quite harshly. =/

joyce, i really appreciate that u wanna accompany me to the clinic. u are the ONLY person who offer me that. LOL. but when u ask, i am already too paranoid n tired that i dun wanna care. and sorry cos i sounded quite bad.

thanks halley! for all ur information and wanting to try find the time if i need to see a chinese doc!

i'm off to rest now! x) going for blood test tml! i have no idea why am i so fucking excited! LOL.
once again, thanks joyce! thanks halley! thanks all for ur concern!

what i want to say is, thank god for blessing me with the wisdom to forgive and stop and think for others before my own ego.

if not i would have lost a friend that i love a lot a lot today.

seriously, a lot of times if she drives me nuts as much as my silly antics drive her nuts sometimes. with my usual temperament in life, i will never let anyone have a second try at me, i will definitely kcuf that person upside down and ignore for life.

but i really thank god to let me have the wisdom to love to cherish.

very blessed.

amos say i m a better person from 6 years ago, compared to the little girl who dunno how is busy protecting herself and hiding from people. i think my cookie really changed me a lot a lot, in terms of good and bad influences. ting and momo too..

now, i want to stretch my luck a bit. i hope i will be blessed with this wisdom to be a better person to love all the other very very important people in my life, as well as my work.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Khaki

Kicking about @ 3:28 AM
| Post Url | |

Thursday, May 10, 2007

To Love is to Let Go.

loads of things happened over the weekend.. wanted to blog about it.. cos its a continual to several posts i have posted earlier.. but i m tired, and i dun wan to tink much about it now.. cos its something that is no past no present no future. after all, fate has it that way, n i've made my choice, no point saying so much bout it.

but today i read a friend's blog, she said:

now everyone has been very nice.
repetitively telling me to move on
he's not worth it yada yada.
(excuse me!)
its not that i dont want to.
but its hard on me.
i'm trying my best to share my feelings.
but why do i often feel so compelled to agree?

was in the forum discussing about matters of the heart the other day, when a man asked me:

ain't we all victims of love?

nope we ain't. cos real love is selfless, not selfish, not self-centred.

actually, what prompts me to this post is not just the words of the man in the forum, but cos of 2 men in my life whom taught me some things over the weekend, or rather over the years, in their subtle, protective way. but thats a story for another day...

the man himself forgave his wife of 17years when she attempted suicide bcos her lover is leaving her. at that time, the man and his wife has 3 daughters, the oldest 16yrs old, the youngest 2 years old. though painful on his side, he was ready to forgive his wife and take her back home and start anew. but she could not face these. soon after, with the excuse that she is on a business trip, she flew off and when she reach her destination, she told him sorry she could not bring herself to go back to the family and face her children after what she has done.

the man out of true love for his wife, is able to forgive her, and even mediate between the wife and her lover. though painful to be witnessing and bearing all these, not to mention the emo children who were throwing temper around the house and stuff, but his pain would not be more than the wife. cos she who was blinded by her selfish lust and greed for greener pastures has made her pass the point of no return. and cos of her own selfishness, she will never be able to come to peace with herself. hence, the one who holds the true love will never be the victim.

very simple. cos he love her, he forgives and lets her go; if she's meant to be his wife for the rest of this life time, even if she fled to north pole, she'll still be back.

sometimes letting go, or leaving, is also a way of showing love.

albeit that the above are theory, and most people would not be able to come to peace with oneself like the above mentioned man, this IS the way of life.

often we all know what is right, what is wrong, but its more often than not fear, greed and self-centredness festing us, blindfolding us, making us go rounds and rounds instead of taking the straight route to peace. cos our ego says: buay gum wan. ai piA jiA ei YAH!

darling, i understand that everyone has been telling you he sucks, including me, and you have been a sweet dear feeling compelled to agree. well, you felt compelled to agree cos to a certain extent, you know its right. but there just is a certain thing in us that holds us back. sometimes it fools us that its love that is holding us back, but more often than not, it isnt.

you might be a little pissed partly cos you are trying to get a listening ear, but they are all over-concernly throwing their logics at you passionately hoping that you will just take it and get better (at least they thought you would get better) but partly, you might be a little pissed cos what they are saying are facts you long knew.

i am not saying that these pain are nobody's fault but yours, please don't misunderstand.. this is a mistake that all human will have at least once in life.. but the thing is, whine as much as you deserves like what your friend says, but please, wake up in time to embrace life. cos life will not pause showing its wonder to you while you grieve. i believe this time you are taking longer to recover no doubt cos of the experience you had with him, but also cos this is a tough period when you are transiting throught to a different stage in life - whole new working world with whole new what the fuking dog shit challenges with the least hints and clues you are ever given. *fuk my room got mosquito, yours have? lets go complain to town council nb.*

to let go is also a form of expressing love sometimes. this love when you are able to express, would be for both him, you and people around you who are quietly heartaching looking at you wilting away these days while not being able to let go.

i know, every single pair of eyes reading this post so far would be thinking:

knn, not you, you say until so sonG,
nb see when u kana ditch what you do.
god knows how many fire engine and police car we must utilize.

that is why, while i is sober, while i is not in this emo-shit yet, thank god that you are reminding me of such a thing, and i is also reminding you with the above words, so that if i do unfortunately face such a day, please be a dear and remind me of my words today.

*hugs*
Labels: My Boy, My Contradiction, My Enlightenment, My Khaki

Kicking about @ 1:55 AM
| Post Url | |

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I Felt Hurt.

god opened my eyes to evil today.

i've never been naive enough to not believe the cliche:
笑里藏刀

people might be smiling at u, but doesnt mean they adore u.

but i've always been naive enough to want to trust.
doubting people hurts.

amos's mum taught me: 伸手不打笑脸人

both phrases have been put to test today.
i hope i've grown this time.

i forgot it soon enough the last time, just months back, when it happen when i was having internship.

i don't like it. though its happening again, it feels not de javu, but a new smarting pain. so stunning that i was crying at the bus-stop talking to bird. but this is what i have to learn to handle in 2 weeks time.

it will be applied through my entire working lifespan.

i felt hurt today. cos i really put in my heart to trust all that was shown and said. i put in my heart to love. people that i set my determination to want to cherish. pain.

but i do like my survivor instinct on auto pilot mode:
painful things are forgotten fast enough.
even if it takes years, it does gets forgotten, soon enough.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Khaki, My Work

Kicking about @ 5:52 PM
| Post Url | |

Sunday, December 31, 2006

i'm not alone

read meg's.. realise i'm not alone. shldnt hav been the case to rejoice, but at least i dun feel as dumb as i was feeling..

probly a mirror sent to me for xmas ba. so much similarities. lol.

i hate myself today.

i was irritated with amos and lawrence, cos i was irritating today, i juz get irritate by little bits of stuff. feel like slappin myself. how can i snap at amos n lawrence. they always ultimo patience for me lor. haiz.

was also proud of myself today.

had my company appraisal form back from peter.. i didnt realise the little things that i do actually was appreciated. the miscommunication one mth back before i left villa, that made me so sad so disappointed with he whom i respect so much, he took the time to talk to me today; he spoke, i understood; if only that came earlier. he only had dinner at nearly 9pm lor. cos he was talkin to me before that.

all the misunderstanding then were cos of miscommunication of ideas and concerns from different levels, which was not communicated properly.. thus the unhappiness arising.

he gave me 53/60 for my appraisal.. 30 to pass, 48 to pass with commendation.
i really thank this man for his generousity the pass yr..

peter raised 3 things that he have problem with me lol.

honesty. too honest for my own good.
punctuality
some miswritten table numbers
things he like about me:
how i talk to colleagues and customers, the way i handle PR
my work is neat whenever i hand in to him
my eye for little details
honesty
very initiative and self motivated at work [if only i hav this attribute at sch oso]
then i asked him.. durin the last mth of my work, there's an influx of newbies; i kept repeatedly remind and taught them the things to be done. but its often left undone n i'm doing by myself when my men are standing there blowing fan. and i heard i was voted the fiercest station leader.
how? i wrong ar? i never scold straight wor. i repeatedly taught and remind them many times first le wor.

peter say as long as i got give enough warning, they mite complain, but in their heart they noe well enuf its their own fault n i've given enough chances. i fulfilled my task as a station leader to manage my manpower, i m not at fault as long as i m not agressive.

peter told me, juz like the other day got this guy, fion repeatedly ask him to clear the table, so that the cake could be served, he repeatedly didnt do it. then fion did it and asked him why she can clear he cant. he give a superb moronic ans: u can give birth i cant.

bastard.

then he says he appreciates that i m very self motivated and initiative at work, i very happy sia. cos i nv noe that they wud notice. i tot since i m so blur n often make mistake and late, den at least what i can do i should do good to collect back some points lolx.

belinda from shunjuu also commented that she likes my initiative at work before..

X)

had a little chat with steven, very very kind of him.. to take the extra effort to guide me when he dun earn anything at all and not oblige at all since he is no longer a villa bali staff. he even offered that if i should need resources in future regarding events, i shld feel free to contact him. and if i need a job in this area, he can refer me. ^^

steven, ashley, johnson and peter all felt something about me:

i do things too scared make mistake, too careful until either i lose my direction, or i cant focus everything.

johnson and steven asked me to be more confident about myself, cos if a marketer needs an attribute the most, it would be confidence in persuading and selling my idea.

initially i was totally [90%] off-ish towards lawrence's offer to have me join his studio and do the admin and marketing stuffs, which later-onz i mite have to be wedding planner. i was totally no confident at all. i scared i cant help him but made them lose money, and throw his face infronta his partners.

asked steven's opinion juz now, he says i shld juz go ahead and try. the more places i get to try the betta. events is a very fun thing, he always says. cos its never fixed. u can always twist and turn, its all in ur hands. the only thing that doesnt change is, the job is about organising things.

i repeated the above paragraph that steven said to lawrence, and he very conveniently "ya lor ya lor" me, as though he had hitched a ride on steven's to rope me into his studio lol.

aft i met them and hanged around villa bali a while chatting with colleagues, i went to centrepoint to meet amos and his mum to go supper together at jalan bersar.

amos's mum is really kind.. actually she needs me to give her a work schedule weekly.. but she understood that its really tough on my side with the crazy intervals of deadlines, so she says i juz need to call one day in advance if i can work the nex day.

i is not alone. with so much sweet people holding me as i learn to walk by myself [some to list from today: the villa bali mgrs, amos's mum, lawrence, my motley proj team and more], with so much sweet people who walks behind me quietly waiting to hold me when i fall, [some to list from these few days: kenny, alvin, gavin ho, momo, khryz, rix, meg and more] and my everReady baobao amos =D

blessed.

and i is blessed to have a faery that reminded me to count my blessings at the last sunrise of year 2006.

From Deborah Wright's The Rebel Fairy,

[not in exact words] sometimes u juz feel so gloom and see no hope, but outta the sudden, u sorta cleared all your thoughts and get lifted in ur spirit. that's when a fairy near u absorbed ur sadness and whispered joy into ur ear.
Labels: My Boy, My Enlightenment, My Khaki, My Work

Kicking about @ 5:40 AM
| Post Url | |

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Things happen for a reason

i thank siyun for send this email to me.
Things happen for a reason; people appears to make an impact.
Take things as they are. Appreciate while u have them.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant .

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Khaki

Kicking about @ 12:11 AM
| Post Url | |

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Taking for Granted

ever wonder if its a really great bliss if we are able to say "i love u" to someone in life?
not juz in the bgr term.. its a bliss to be able to love someone at all lorx..

haix.

happen to chance upon this gal's blog.. she's already passed away on 10th sept 2006..

its so heartpain to learn about her life story lor.. a child from an orphanage.. got adopted the first time and was abused.. finally got a family who treats her like their little princess.. got the men in her life who loves her.. she finally died of illness.. at this point in time when i first chance upon her blog, she's 10months away from her 26th birthday..

i never like to say the 3 words unless i mean it.. i oso never like it that i m only able to say it to my boy, and not to the rest of the people that i love..

treasure the 3 magic word ya.

her very touching post.

only read a few of her entries.. quite enlightening..

actually, since i left secondary school, since i left the kinda education system whereby we are so protected and spoon-fed, i've came to realise that there are many more facets of life then the templates that i've known of..

prior to that, i've never thought that a 27 yr old could still be partying around, doing odd jobs, having his mama do the shopping of clothes for him.. i've never thought that someone my age could be out of school and working in this society where adults are so scary.. everyone hides a knife beyond that friendly smile..

prior to reading this blog, or say.. even as i read her entries, i still find it hard to get this into my brain, that there are orphans in singapore..

i'm a frog. used to live in the well with my mama, brother and sister shielding me from hurt and responsibility; teachers shielding me from failure; amos shielding me from mistakes and loneliness cos by my own selfishness.

i fear growing up. i fear going out into the society, especially after these 3 months of internship. i fear the next 6years without amos by my side.

if i m to fear these much, how did angie bern lived her mangled 25 years? when she's left to fend for herself while so many people fight to tug me back in a cosy corner, away from the bloody facts of life. she who is so far away that i dun even noe, might be like juz another story.. but how about my good brother here in my online friend list..

dude, hope i can do more to help in this celebration =]
child like us who didnt have a complete family, will either fear building one, cos fear of failure disappointment and rejection; or brave enough to want to build a better one that u never had. i believe u r the latter x)

very very very happy for u xD
Labels: My Contradiction, My Enlightenment, My Khaki, My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 4:01 AM
| Post Url | |