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Sunday, December 31, 2006

i'm not alone

read meg's.. realise i'm not alone. shldnt hav been the case to rejoice, but at least i dun feel as dumb as i was feeling..

probly a mirror sent to me for xmas ba. so much similarities. lol.

i hate myself today.

i was irritated with amos and lawrence, cos i was irritating today, i juz get irritate by little bits of stuff. feel like slappin myself. how can i snap at amos n lawrence. they always ultimo patience for me lor. haiz.

was also proud of myself today.

had my company appraisal form back from peter.. i didnt realise the little things that i do actually was appreciated. the miscommunication one mth back before i left villa, that made me so sad so disappointed with he whom i respect so much, he took the time to talk to me today; he spoke, i understood; if only that came earlier. he only had dinner at nearly 9pm lor. cos he was talkin to me before that.

all the misunderstanding then were cos of miscommunication of ideas and concerns from different levels, which was not communicated properly.. thus the unhappiness arising.

he gave me 53/60 for my appraisal.. 30 to pass, 48 to pass with commendation.
i really thank this man for his generousity the pass yr..

peter raised 3 things that he have problem with me lol.

honesty. too honest for my own good.
punctuality
some miswritten table numbers
things he like about me:
how i talk to colleagues and customers, the way i handle PR
my work is neat whenever i hand in to him
my eye for little details
honesty
very initiative and self motivated at work [if only i hav this attribute at sch oso]
then i asked him.. durin the last mth of my work, there's an influx of newbies; i kept repeatedly remind and taught them the things to be done. but its often left undone n i'm doing by myself when my men are standing there blowing fan. and i heard i was voted the fiercest station leader.
how? i wrong ar? i never scold straight wor. i repeatedly taught and remind them many times first le wor.

peter say as long as i got give enough warning, they mite complain, but in their heart they noe well enuf its their own fault n i've given enough chances. i fulfilled my task as a station leader to manage my manpower, i m not at fault as long as i m not agressive.

peter told me, juz like the other day got this guy, fion repeatedly ask him to clear the table, so that the cake could be served, he repeatedly didnt do it. then fion did it and asked him why she can clear he cant. he give a superb moronic ans: u can give birth i cant.

bastard.

then he says he appreciates that i m very self motivated and initiative at work, i very happy sia. cos i nv noe that they wud notice. i tot since i m so blur n often make mistake and late, den at least what i can do i should do good to collect back some points lolx.

belinda from shunjuu also commented that she likes my initiative at work before..

X)

had a little chat with steven, very very kind of him.. to take the extra effort to guide me when he dun earn anything at all and not oblige at all since he is no longer a villa bali staff. he even offered that if i should need resources in future regarding events, i shld feel free to contact him. and if i need a job in this area, he can refer me. ^^

steven, ashley, johnson and peter all felt something about me:

i do things too scared make mistake, too careful until either i lose my direction, or i cant focus everything.

johnson and steven asked me to be more confident about myself, cos if a marketer needs an attribute the most, it would be confidence in persuading and selling my idea.

initially i was totally [90%] off-ish towards lawrence's offer to have me join his studio and do the admin and marketing stuffs, which later-onz i mite have to be wedding planner. i was totally no confident at all. i scared i cant help him but made them lose money, and throw his face infronta his partners.

asked steven's opinion juz now, he says i shld juz go ahead and try. the more places i get to try the betta. events is a very fun thing, he always says. cos its never fixed. u can always twist and turn, its all in ur hands. the only thing that doesnt change is, the job is about organising things.

i repeated the above paragraph that steven said to lawrence, and he very conveniently "ya lor ya lor" me, as though he had hitched a ride on steven's to rope me into his studio lol.

aft i met them and hanged around villa bali a while chatting with colleagues, i went to centrepoint to meet amos and his mum to go supper together at jalan bersar.

amos's mum is really kind.. actually she needs me to give her a work schedule weekly.. but she understood that its really tough on my side with the crazy intervals of deadlines, so she says i juz need to call one day in advance if i can work the nex day.

i is not alone. with so much sweet people holding me as i learn to walk by myself [some to list from today: the villa bali mgrs, amos's mum, lawrence, my motley proj team and more], with so much sweet people who walks behind me quietly waiting to hold me when i fall, [some to list from these few days: kenny, alvin, gavin ho, momo, khryz, rix, meg and more] and my everReady baobao amos =D

blessed.

and i is blessed to have a faery that reminded me to count my blessings at the last sunrise of year 2006.

From Deborah Wright's The Rebel Fairy,

[not in exact words] sometimes u juz feel so gloom and see no hope, but outta the sudden, u sorta cleared all your thoughts and get lifted in ur spirit. that's when a fairy near u absorbed ur sadness and whispered joy into ur ear.
Labels: My Boy, My Enlightenment, My Khaki, My Work

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