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Thursday, May 10, 2007

To Love is to Let Go.

loads of things happened over the weekend.. wanted to blog about it.. cos its a continual to several posts i have posted earlier.. but i m tired, and i dun wan to tink much about it now.. cos its something that is no past no present no future. after all, fate has it that way, n i've made my choice, no point saying so much bout it.

but today i read a friend's blog, she said:

now everyone has been very nice.
repetitively telling me to move on
he's not worth it yada yada.
(excuse me!)
its not that i dont want to.
but its hard on me.
i'm trying my best to share my feelings.
but why do i often feel so compelled to agree?

was in the forum discussing about matters of the heart the other day, when a man asked me:

ain't we all victims of love?

nope we ain't. cos real love is selfless, not selfish, not self-centred.

actually, what prompts me to this post is not just the words of the man in the forum, but cos of 2 men in my life whom taught me some things over the weekend, or rather over the years, in their subtle, protective way. but thats a story for another day...

the man himself forgave his wife of 17years when she attempted suicide bcos her lover is leaving her. at that time, the man and his wife has 3 daughters, the oldest 16yrs old, the youngest 2 years old. though painful on his side, he was ready to forgive his wife and take her back home and start anew. but she could not face these. soon after, with the excuse that she is on a business trip, she flew off and when she reach her destination, she told him sorry she could not bring herself to go back to the family and face her children after what she has done.

the man out of true love for his wife, is able to forgive her, and even mediate between the wife and her lover. though painful to be witnessing and bearing all these, not to mention the emo children who were throwing temper around the house and stuff, but his pain would not be more than the wife. cos she who was blinded by her selfish lust and greed for greener pastures has made her pass the point of no return. and cos of her own selfishness, she will never be able to come to peace with herself. hence, the one who holds the true love will never be the victim.

very simple. cos he love her, he forgives and lets her go; if she's meant to be his wife for the rest of this life time, even if she fled to north pole, she'll still be back.

sometimes letting go, or leaving, is also a way of showing love.

albeit that the above are theory, and most people would not be able to come to peace with oneself like the above mentioned man, this IS the way of life.

often we all know what is right, what is wrong, but its more often than not fear, greed and self-centredness festing us, blindfolding us, making us go rounds and rounds instead of taking the straight route to peace. cos our ego says: buay gum wan. ai piA jiA ei YAH!

darling, i understand that everyone has been telling you he sucks, including me, and you have been a sweet dear feeling compelled to agree. well, you felt compelled to agree cos to a certain extent, you know its right. but there just is a certain thing in us that holds us back. sometimes it fools us that its love that is holding us back, but more often than not, it isnt.

you might be a little pissed partly cos you are trying to get a listening ear, but they are all over-concernly throwing their logics at you passionately hoping that you will just take it and get better (at least they thought you would get better) but partly, you might be a little pissed cos what they are saying are facts you long knew.

i am not saying that these pain are nobody's fault but yours, please don't misunderstand.. this is a mistake that all human will have at least once in life.. but the thing is, whine as much as you deserves like what your friend says, but please, wake up in time to embrace life. cos life will not pause showing its wonder to you while you grieve. i believe this time you are taking longer to recover no doubt cos of the experience you had with him, but also cos this is a tough period when you are transiting throught to a different stage in life - whole new working world with whole new what the fuking dog shit challenges with the least hints and clues you are ever given. *fuk my room got mosquito, yours have? lets go complain to town council nb.*

to let go is also a form of expressing love sometimes. this love when you are able to express, would be for both him, you and people around you who are quietly heartaching looking at you wilting away these days while not being able to let go.

i know, every single pair of eyes reading this post so far would be thinking:

knn, not you, you say until so sonG,
nb see when u kana ditch what you do.
god knows how many fire engine and police car we must utilize.

that is why, while i is sober, while i is not in this emo-shit yet, thank god that you are reminding me of such a thing, and i is also reminding you with the above words, so that if i do unfortunately face such a day, please be a dear and remind me of my words today.

*hugs*
Labels: My Boy, My Contradiction, My Enlightenment, My Khaki

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