No Name Applicable

Friday, June 30, 2006

Baby Faith

her name is Faith Tham, chinese name is Xi Tong.. which means Rainbow of Hope =)
she really is a bundle of hope and joy to us lor. she came at a time when everyone was so depressed and lost much hope in life, due to the departure of my uncle at that time..

sometimes from her expression, i see my sister's baby photo, i see her resembling her father, i see her resembling my dad.. i see so much hope from her little face..

=)

her growing milestones are recorded in her blog, which is in my links..
and this webbie is her videos =)

Kicking about @ 2:46 AM
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Thursday, June 29, 2006

I Really Needs To Rest More

maslow's hierachy of needs says:

the most basic level of need is physiological need, which includes rest,
food, water, air. if this basic level is not fulfilled, the following levels of
the hierachy will not be met.

ting is rite.
therefore, i m really messed up. nothing going right at school, work and play.

i've gone hysterical n cry and get all depressed, and magnify problems, and minimize solutions for several nites this past week. i is cannot make it liao.

plus that my boss don't understand that i really need more time to do my projects, and he is not supportive of me having 4 weeks off work until after the deadline & presentations week.. i understand where he's coming from.. i understand its for my good that he's thinking in this direction..

but i oso understand that.. i m a student. a weak student in fact. cos i've not been working hard enough the past two yrs, thus i m struggling more than other people.. n even people like elmo and yiting is octopusing [8 hands oso not enough] what more to say of me.. the slacker, who takes 4 hours when bird takes 1 hour to do what i do.. haix.

this weekend is really not enough to use leh.. i should have foreseen this point n put my schedule at 8pm on saturday and sunday lor.. haiz. i put 5pm. that means i gotta start preparing n travelling and all at 2pm on sat n sun. how the hell got time to do thing show dominic seah on monday...... besides, i heard its a great deal of stuffs..

we went to class today n shown him what we have.. he read oso dun read lor. he juz say cmi. which is true. all my fault.. if i had been a good leader from start, or insisted someone else to be the leader then things might turn out better. but somehow, me who dunno my work well enough is the leader is equivalent to the blind leading the blind on the edge of the cliff. HAIZ.

juz now waited for faith to send me the spss so that i can type in mine.. wait till bout 1am + ? den still got a little uncertain parts and some errors and some stuffs, so end up, only finish entering the data abt 5am + . then i called to wake my amos for work. i got all hysterical n crying again. i think i said:

baby, i really can't cope.. i really cannot work anymore.. really.. why
don't they believe me..

haiz then my amos was consoling me, n helping me think of solutions. i tink i m such an idiot lor. i freak so many people out that i freak myself out.

yesterday afternoon i was telling amos on the phone that my grpmates had been really nice yesterday.. they noe i got test, n told me its ok i can don't go down.. even though i got a major prob to solve which needs to hand in at 5pm. n knowing i got a deadline for CDS proj today, another grpmate offers to do my part, but i still do it myself. =)

then amos say, whoever u called last nite muz have gotten freaked out by u.. u were crying n like unstable lor..

erm, i don't think they are nice bcos of that? cos i don't think suren was in any mood to say such things to anyone yesterday.. cos i tink he did the proj till morning =]

oh wells.

the final solution i have now, i guess is only to rush home n bang the bed right afterwork. no on computer. absolutely no no. then wake up in the morning [note: i said morning. usually i wake at 2pm to leave home for work at 3pm when i work 5pm] n do as much as i can. n hope and pray that if they have to send someone back on saturday and sunday at 11pm, SEND ME~!

then nex wk, i'll put 8pm for fri sat n sun.. so tat i can have enough time to rest and do my work. hopefully i can cope, otherwise, last resort, i'll have to take that off no matter how already.. this semester's results comes priority..

thanks groupmates =)

thanks kenny for putting things aside to accompany me eat lunch n walk home..

thanks jasmine for showing concern.. =)

thanks alvin for consumer behavior notes =P

thanks amos for being there for me, please don't feel upset that u dunno wad to do to make me feel better.. cos ultimately, i'm the person who built this shit wad. =)

and thanks elmo for forgiving [after kicking me from head to toe not missing an inch, virtually xP]

i think ms lou would be happy today, that i m not late, n sad today that some of my grpmates are absent.. i wonder wad will her reaction be like if i tell her:

ms lou, i'm not late today! cos i never sleep,
so i never wake late! heehee~ x)

lesson at 9am, now is 8.18am. LaterZ.

Kicking about @ 7:44 AM
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Monday, June 26, 2006

What to Do~

as i've mentioned earlier on before i went movie with amos and his parents...

hmm we went to watch Garfield 2 at cineleisure.. overall i rate it 3/5 tubs of popcorns =]

anyways, haiz. felt so bad. today supposed to be the only day in the week that i can spend time with my cookie.. den i was too tired, and actually slept till late afternoon.. den i chat with my mum a bit, chat with friends a bit, and download the software for my project, and blog a bit, and eat a bit, and watch tv a little bit, and i'm damn late to meet him.. so end up we only get to rush to watch the movie, and then supper with his parents at the famous soya beancurd shop at geylang..

haiz. from nex wk onwards, i will be chionging my proj & school work, picking up the mess and stuff undone from before the holiday, on MONDAY to THURSDAY.

then gotta work on FRIDAY, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.. cos peter say cannot take one month off..

but its actually good intention on his part in a way la. cos i will be having internship there in september.. so if at this juncture i actually take such a long break, the managers there might not have a good impression of me n not so willing to teach me n help me along when the internship period comes.. furthermore, cos if i m away for a month, they will have to let new people in to fill up the spaces, then when september comes, they might not have place for me. sounds weird, since i m supposed to be on internship.. but.. =]

anyways, so there goes. pooF! can't go out on sunday with amos anymore..

but my amos very understanding.. he didnt mind at all.. he is juz worried that me being so weak already still never rest enough will get very sick.. =D

i m juz worried that he mite wans to go out more.. haix.

but my worry is redundant de =D cos my amos baobao is very independent =) he juz goes window shopping on his own once a while when he feels like it, at plaza singapura, bugis junction, takashimaya etc. furthermore, he has his gaming kakis at netzspiel and civil defence friends, and his secondary school and ite friends who will ask him out for tea, wine, liquor and gaming HAa!

got one more person would make a lot of noise if is last time.. but now he got enough on his hands, so i dont think he will exclaim as much about my arrangements.. =]

guess i'll juz try n make time to meet him here n there.. then probly juz meet him for supper and stay over at his place after work on saturdays ba.

btw in case elmo and halley kor is thinking,
-*poke that yellow thought bubble on top of elmo and halley kor's head with needle*-
sorry to disappoint u, we never n will not do anything juz yet HAa!

haiz. juz now downloaded the spss software thingy to do my project, to analyze data collected from the survey we did for breadtalk. [thanks to elmo's group who entered the 1075 survey form's response into the spss for us to analyze, we do not need to spend hours sitting there entering the data!] i opened the file from elmo's group, cannot see the data sia! -*panic*- den i was thinking i have to go sleep at 4am n wake at 8am go sch do. heng i told yi ting bout it. she say its ok, its juz the bug, it dont show the data, but still can analyze..

so now i gonna go do as much as i can and send to my group n let them do the rest.. tomolo they'll meet at 11am. i think its quite fair if i do from now until probably 11am? and then go rest and send them n they do the rest of editing and adding in then hand up at 5pm ya? -*nod*-

yup so i is gonna do it now ^-^

another thing i worry is, i seem to have many bruise on my leg =/
my mama was randomly commenting that if i m picky about food, now that i m so under-nutrition, i might get bruised easily. some people even goes to the extent that by kneeling on the floor to wipe the floor oso get bruised on the knee..

but.. i think.. should be becos i too impatient at work, so whenever i need an extra armchair here and there, another table here and there, i'll juz lug it off myself, i can't wait for the guys to help me lor.. though they always offers to help if they can tear themselves away from what they are doing la. so probably bcos of that n my limited strength [heehee marketers~ i'm cross-tabbing here!] so when i lug it, the armchair knocks into my leg n so the bruises? x)

either way, i shall resolute to eat more variety of food as off tomolo =P

Kicking about @ 4:15 AM
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Sunday, June 25, 2006

5th Year Anniversary

while downloading the spss software trial for my proj, and before i go out for a movie with my amos, i'll come blog a little ^-^ then after i'm back from the movie i'll be doing proj till tml morn le =]

actually this post is inspired by yanting's blog de lahx x)

cos it so happen that kenny's birthday is her anniversary with her boyfriend ^^
they very sweet lor.. that time they together not yet one yr, but i kept having the feeling that they are together for years liaox.

haix now that i got the attachment means my one month pay will be $1000+ a month during sept oct & nov. if only can bring forward a bit more.. start in july then i will have moolahs in august and give my cookie a surprise ^^

nvm i will have enough moolahs in nov to do a surprise for his birthday ^-^
i thinking i wanna open a chalet and prepare everything all done and get all his friends from civil defence, netzspiel and ite and sec school? heehee..

nah u'r thinking how can i spell out if i meant it as surprise rite~~~ cos hor i noe he damn lazy won't read here de =P

ok i muz get going liaox. ^-^ my cookie is waiting for me..

Kicking about @ 7:15 PM
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It's Approved!

yea~!!!!!!!!!!! my internship is approved by my lecturer!

wa i this time really "go out meet expensive people" = 出门遇贵人 lor~!

after much twist and turn of events, mr philip siow finally got convinced by my boss and is willing to let me do my internship at villa bali~! and he will personally be my LO aka officer-in-charge during my SIP period of 12 weeks ^-^

SIP conditions:
6-day [erm.. 6 nights ] week
$7 / hour [by then probably $8 / hour cos i work 1 year by right should have increment from July 14 onwards]
will be waitressing
but will hands-on learn to organise and promote events and functions
will go on field trips to do research, observations and competitive analysis
and many many more things! this is but a fifth of the training programme!
so excited ^-^
i'll update bout the details of this event another day probably tml or something.. very tired. =)

Kicking about @ 6:05 AM
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My Twin!

do u think we look a bit alike?

LOL! i tot the person who could possibly look alike with me a bit would be my sis n my mum n my cousin stephy.. i nv nv nv nv NEVER tot that i would one day bump into someone so alike with me that i scare myself HAa!

when i look close in the face not very alike la.. but when her sideview, OMG LA! not only her sideview of her face.. the sideview of her EnTirE pERsoN pluS HAIRstyLe oso aLikE lor!

today was her 3rd day at work. yesterday when i went to work, she was standing beside me at pre-work briefing, but i didnt look at her at all cos being my mind-my-own-business pattern ma.. then during the briefing itself, i keep hearing murmurs..

that one joyce sister rite......

eh sia la. but anyways i was busy until around 8pm + den get to see her closer LOL. nearly everyone of my colleagues came n told me that there is a new gal who resembles me so much!

as i mite have mentioned before, villa bali is quite romantic place, so at nite, being outdoors, it mite be quite dim.. so at one time, we were crossing each other in opposite directions..

i got a fright.

she walk pass, her sideview really look like i seeing my photograph leh!!!

then during supper, even ashley n peter think we look alike.. ashley ask us stand together n compare LOL.

the worst was Thaddeus LOL.

today the gal, jue qi, was having dinner juz before i came to have dinner. she was asking where's her dinner take-away box, n blur Thad, he didnt look at her clearly, he juz glanced, and he thought its me n passed my rice, with my name written, to her without hesitating LOL!

actually got two things we really alike:

when we tie up our hair.. though now mine is shorter, but last time when i was her length, my side view look exactly like her.. the head shape n the way the hair is so straight..

if we stand too long without moving, at one spot, we will faint..

i tink it muz have been pretty traumatic for the new gal.. cos it already wasnt easy for her to merge and orientate into a new environment, den wadz worse is people "capped" her with another person's shadow.. n who noes.. mayb she thinks i m ugly n its an insult when ppl say we look so alike? LOL.

today during briefing, she was asking me.. everyone says we look alike, will meh...? n when ashley was comparing with us during the previous nite's supper, she was saying.. got meh.....

so today, i tot i should do her a favour heehee.. whenever ppl talk to me about it again, i noe its fun, i noe its something new.. i oso find it very fun, very interesting.. but mayb we should stop having ppl running to her n sayin that anymore.. cos i m alright with it, but i dont wan her to be uncomfortable.. i noe how sucky the feeling is when u cant orientate into a new place =]

hee.. really look alike leh.. so alike that i tot i seeing my own photo lor..... omg la. LOL. btw's she amos's age.. mayb she was my sister but given away? HEY GERRI~! do u have a younger sister who is older than me who was gave away? or m i brought back? LOL!

or probably a lost cousin of me n stephy? after all, on close look me n stephy not so alike, but got one pic of stephy n tommy, and a pic of me n amos, i got get mistaken by the two pics before leh... oh it so happen i often look at tommy's pic n tot its amos, but a slightly leaner version LOL =x

Kicking about @ 6:02 AM
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Friday, June 23, 2006

Motivated

haa. this will be a more happy post ya? before rix complains =P

hmm.. today went to sch do proj actually quite not motivated day lor.. cos everything seems so stuck, then i still have to go work at nite, cannot stay in school longer n do more things. den i had been like so slack i was feeling guilty to my group mates that i feel so shy lor. then i slept so little yesterday n woke so early today.. really really very tired..

when i reached sch n met my grpmate, i apologized to him n told him that i'll either get 4 weeks break from work or quit my job and get things here done properly.. but he not angry at all leh.. den i say i so suker lor, that time when many people tell me those two are free riders, i m in no position to be judging them at all lor. see, they got do work now leh. somemore more on time than me.. den he very funny la..

he say: aiya juz copy notes wan la he..

hehe.. felt slightly motivated.. =)

den the project meeting today seems "moving" ~! ^-^

more motivated..

den i saw wad yi ting left me in the tag box:

yi ting: u see, the tighter u hold on to something, the more it escape. say if u hold on to a handful of sand, try to hold it tight, it falls. but if it was done e other way round, more stay in ur hands.

yi ting: frens are e same. u cant expect them to b there all e time for u.. they have their own commitments, etc. let loose, dun stick too much to them, everyone need personal space all that. i mean, not that u cant turn to them..

yi ting: but dun overdo it. sometimes when ppl breakdown, it is not all e time that u need someone to b there. sometimes, urself is ur own best fren. and e same, dun overdo it.. cos u will tend to isolate urself and lock ur frens out.

yi ting: pls rest more.. it affects not only ur body, but also ur mind.

yi ting: eh. instead of sticking to them, i actually mean depend. sry. fcuk. its getting confusing. lol. read my blog for it. sorry for flooding.

=') touched. i was actually very very tired and unmotivated today.. but this one totally brought me UP! i swear i didnt exaggerate.. it really did gave me the zest and energy to be able to work tonite =D

i had been quite solidary for many many yrs.. i don't really noe how to live in groups and be sensitive enough to other people.. even though i m most often sensitive to wad other people says and do and think of me.. thank u for caring and telling me these.. i really need to learn more from u all lorx..

after work today, i went to talk to my manager ashley.. i asked if i can take 4 weeks off work cos i really can't cope with my school work.. initially i didnt dare to go over and ask.. cos i was afraid that wad if i hem n haw too much n before i can say finish what i need to let him noe, he mite have been impatient n tell me no already.. n i was oso afraid that bernard would scold me on the spot or ask me to leave..

the first time i walk over to ashley, he asked me wad i wan..

erm.. wait ar..
den i walked back to the table where my bag was and asked serene's opinion.. after hearing how resolute she would be if she was in my dilemma, i looked at ashley across the tables..

wad u want~
lolx.. den i walk over and still thinking how i can say it in the most perfect manner..

wad u wan.. got request rite~

erm ya.. er i.. can't cope with my school work..
can i take 4 weeks off from work pls..?

wa one month ar?

er.. 4 weeks..
bernard look at the side oso buay tahan come laugh at me.. LOL.

1 month how many weeks? 4 weeks rite!

LOL! i kanchiong ma.. besides, 4 weeks sounds nicer than 1 month LOL.
i tot ashley is gonna tell me something serious when he asked me if i m sure i want to do that. den he say:
aiya.. den u will miss the staff party.

... bernard say ok lor go lor. den i ask if really can go, then after 4 weeks he will let me back onot.
bernard say if he got many staff at that time then he might have to consider.. i tink he is teasing me..? i hope he is =P

so when i was so kanchiong that bernard mite not let me back after the 4 weeks break n ashley brought up the staff party nex mth as bait -.- i was like got thousands of crows fly pass la... LOL!

then i was still very worried that bernard wun let me come back after the 4 weeks.. i was literally fighting with myself abt wad other ways can i get to work and get my school things unSCREWED.. in the background of this picture, ashley and bernard were chatting bout the staff party with meiting n jean

=.= .. . .. .. .. . .. .

then bernard say: aiya u just go do your school's things first la.

=D

thats wad i love about villa bali.. the design of the place so close to nature, the colleagues who even if not close cliques, will juz have that sync to work and get operations smooth, the superiors who often may sound weird, but end of the day, they are still nice people ^-^

few mths back, i wrote a table number wrongly and the person had left without paying for that bottle of wine.. then i didnt want to go get further scoldings from bernard, so i juz tell wah keong to let them know i'll pay for it. ashley came over to where i was doing some closing tasks, and didnt scold me.. only ask me what happen. after that wah keong went to ask bernard about it, bernard told him that he will try to cut the amount as much as possible from the tips that month. when he hand out tips, i tot i don't have le.. but he gave me mine, and i ask y.. den he say u juz take. deduct from pay.

den one day i wrote a table number wrongly n was correcting it on the spot, and bernard saw.. though he meant well, he juz sounds .. nasty LOL.

u better write wrong table number again, ur last bottle haven pay.

when pay day comes, i asked peter y no deduct, peter say i dont wan to hear about the matter again. so nice rite..

oh since i'm at this topic..

the other day, we were quite free after the function, which is an event hosted by a mobile communications company, which has big shots from big mobile phone manufacturers and mobile service providers, we were chatting and waiting for the caterers to come clear the buffet before we can reopen the area for other customers.

then we started chatting about 2 of our past managers.

to my surprise, i tot i was one of the few supporters of Keen HAHA. he's at Butter Factory now.. cos back then many people dislike him cos he always scold people and he was the one who brought about more and more duties added into our originally super slack job LOL.

but i guess his position is juz like Ms Abraham, my discipline mistress in secondary school. a love and hate affair by those under them LOL.

it seems actually many of those who used to work under him though often curse him back then, but they still enjoys working with him and anticipates starting work.

then we were talking about johnson who is at Q-Bar now.. it seems everyone loves him ^^ people says that he is very clever at handling human relations =) probly he really does =] but i tink partly oso bcos most of the time when he was here, it was Keen was still here, and doing all the Black-Face job, and so we felt that johnson is more like one of us ^^ bsides, he look so boyish LOL.

for me i would sometimes complain, and curse and upset, but at the end of the day, i noe one thing:

a senior barman used to remind us wad my boss said, Do Not Over-ride your superior~!

lolx. i dunno much bout that line, but i noe that i haven the choice to choose who my superiors will be, but i have the choice to trust them and try my best not to pass judgement at all, cos they definitely has more experience than me. if i do not trust them, how would i be confident enough to convince myself of the things i m doing, which is ordered by them, and if i m not confident, i would not be happy doing it with doubts in my mind ^-^

we haven a choice of the situation, but we have choice of handling it with a smile or with a tear.

at the end of this post, i decided to work really hard for school this final 4 weeks down to deadline, and work really hard appreciating my amos and making him happier, and spend more time home with my mum n less time out spending $.

in summary, spend this 4 weeks meaningfully. afterall , i didnt get it easy =D

thank u bernard & ashley for being such understanding superiors!

nah~ they won't ever read this line; no one at work reads my blog =)
but i m really grateful to them..

Kicking about @ 3:45 AM
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

I, The Clown.

i feel like a clown. everyone else is normal.. n always do the correct things at the correct times with the correct effect.. but i m always doing everything wrong..

at work, i m always the one making stupid mistakes when everyone else even slackers get into less trouble than me. counting the times i made a mistake about an order, a table number, and run-away bills in my 1yr working there, i think i champion liaox. i didnt hear anyone else doing as much mistakes as me in a yr of working..

at school, everyone else noes wad to do for the project, noes how to study for the test, and i juz dunno how to get about things.

at home, i'm a thorough mess.

at friends, i don't have much close friends do i? yi ting have raine.. they are always together.. shiru jiahui joyce cecilia and one more gal, they are called [Holidays] the are always together too..

i am always the sore thumb sticking out in a group.. i don't belong anywhere..

and i guess i juz irritated the shit outta my good fren that he won't reply sms, call and msn at all.. i mean some words as a bridge over the river of peace.. but since his reaction is like that now.. i guess i've made things worse again, and washed myself out into the cold dark ocean again.

i had been crying for 2hours now.. my amos is sleeping.. i have no one else to turn to..

i really feel like running away.. far far away.. away from school away from work away from my good fren.. the things that i really like but why m i messing them up so much!

typing thus far, i guess I, The Clown is an overated statement. i don't even qualify to be The Clown. the clown is far more useful than i am, and leads a far more meaningful life. compared to me, the brat who do not cherish nothing, but whines away.

i have been seeking belongingness since i've transferred to a new home, new school, new neighbourhood in primary 5. till now i still dun belong anywhere, i still dunno how to. not even at home.

I WANT TO BELONG! I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVES ME! BUT WHY DO I NOT KNOW HOW TO LET THEM EMBRACE ME! WHY DO I NOT KNOW HOW TO EMBRACE THEM!

the more i yearn, the more i seek, the more i don't see, the more i don't get.

hopefully, tml i m able to find a replacement for work, so i can stay in school and complete some work. then i shall talk to ashley and see if its possible for me to get a four weeks break from work to clean up my mess before the deadlines, or i'll juz have to quit.

Kicking about @ 3:38 AM
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Online Shopping

my cousin stephy had her first try at organizing an online spree to buy accessories from this taiwan yahoo auction site ‧楓糖漿精品館‧ Maple Syrup.

the accessories are pretty sweet and many are replica of those stars in korean and taiwan dramas wearing. like the one i bought, korean star Rain have one similar one in his show too ^-^

oh anywayz, i ~~bought~~ ordered 2 necklaces ^-^
cos the spree ended yesterday, and my cousin ask if i m really sure i don't wan any =P
so i was quite tempted HAa!
anywayz, she's very nice lor, she says i can juz pay her when the necklaces come, which is after my payday ^-^

Stephy: u can juz pay me back when ur payday lor =)
Me:: really? thx loads!
Stephy:: yea this is family rule ma~ can pay later haha!
anyway u wun run away wad i noe ur whole family.
Me:: eh? u not my family ar? HAa!
Stephy:: eh ya! so funny!

LOL! that reminds me of an incident years back.. really yeeeeaaaaaarrrrsssss back. LOL.

those were the days when we celebrates the first day of new year at my paternal grandma house.. these days we celebrate at my uncle's house..

oh anyways, my uncles were playing mahjong.. den one of them got fed up and said:

ta ma de [aka your mother in a vulgar way..]

then the other uncle replied:

my mother not your mother ar?
LOL ~ !

oh anywayz, here's the pictures of the necklaces:

its called:
韓國進口-精鍍K金水晶鑽鑰匙項鍊(RAIN英宰款)
Translate: Korean Imported - High Quality White Gold Cromed Crystal Key Pendant Necklace
(RAIN's Style. Korean Star) NT260 : SGD$12.74
its called:
韓國進口-精鍍K金骰子撲克牌項鍊
Translate: Korean Imported - High Quality White Gold Cromed Poker Cards & Dice Necklace
NT260 : SGD$12.74

nice? heex.. if i do get that internship, i m gonna start a spree and get loads of these stuff from maple syrup with kimmy heehee cos she super junky for earrings ^-^
den extra ones that me n kimmy dont like, i'll sell them away online or probly a push cart ^-^
ah. talking about push cart -.- remember that dealer who wanna give me consignment at bugis?
haiz. i no time to do. so i gave the chance to year 2 marketing students. hope they can make good use of this chance and contact, so nex semester they can do well for their retail management and integrated marketing project =)
cool~! look forward to receiving my necklaces ^-^

Kicking about @ 7:25 AM
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Monday, June 19, 2006

Sub-Conscious or Excuse

i think i am beginning to really understand how circumstances and things can mould a person's charactor..

a person who was hurt when he/she is very young, even when he/she haven't really understood the meaning of trust.. might not know how much it had even impact him/herself that in future he/she has already became so desensitized and not able to trust people much anymore..

even though not much conscious thought might have been given onto that matter, sub-consciously he/she might already have built up a shield to isolate away possible threats which may cause the similar hurt that had occured in the past..

but the paradox here is, since it was the sub-conscious that built the shield, what if, one day, the person understood the theory, and is able to relate the matter?

at this time, is it the sub-conscious protecting him/herself, or he/she finding excuse to being desensitized and insensitive? since it must have been a person's values and beliefs that forms the basics of any other decisions made by this individual..

on the other hand, if not wanting to have desires, is bcos of the fear of lose and disappointment, can i say those people who deems desires as bad stuff to be cowards?

afterall, if u had already spent $ to go to a theme park, why still fear this fear that and avoided taking any of the rides? isn't that a waste of the trip? on the same theory, since u r alive, why fear to experience different things? it is the needs and wants in people that innovates and make new things isn't it? not having any desires isn't it as good as saying:

waste that 10 months which the mama sacrifice much for pregnancy; tonics in the diet during and after pregnancy; hospital fees for giving birth etc etc which involves in bringing a new life to this world.
yea, so if that's the case, doesn't it equates to being born to await death?

then are those people who are aware or unaware of themself being in the shield built by the sub-conscious mind, who decides to stay in that comfort zone a coward whom decided to await the end of life at the prime of life? as long as u are alive, it should be considered prime of life ba.

but then again, often, wad seems right might not always be viable to practise.. sometimes, a little backtracking along the way might do the trick instead of agressive attack..

if only there are model answers to everything. -----} a result of spoon-fed education.

Kicking about @ 6:05 AM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

O M G ~!

O M G la! i got this mail from xiu yun.. it seems credible, cos one of the recipient of this forwarded mail before it reach xiu yun, is a National Environment Agency personnel, and the other is ANA Hotel =.=! but i dun tink is singapore case.. cos the hospital mentioned is not singapore leh..

----- Original Message -----
From: Vivien - Home
To: Yew Shiong ; WU_He-Ow_Meng@nea.gov.sg ; Wong, Joey ; Win Wong ; Wati ; Tracy Lim ; Tan Lilin ; syk ; Steve Sim ; Ren Lei ; Meiling ; pssoon ; May Lim ; Mabel Loh ; Liyi Sam ; ling ling ; Lim Vincent ; Lim Teck Meng ; liew goh chin huat ; Kwek Gene ; Han Winnie ; francis tan ; Elaine Law ; Daphne Loo ; Cynthia Chan ; Claire Sam ; Cindy Ho ; Chua Michael ; Chow Daniel ; Chiou Huey ; Chia Sermoy ; Chandi Hoo ; bs tan ; Angela Low ; Andrea Yeoh ; ANA Hotel
Sent: Monday, June 12, 2006 9:48 AM
Subject: Fw: AIDS spreads like this also.....carefully when buy cut fruits...

Good to know.

A 10 year old boy, had eaten pineapple about 15 days back, and fell sick,from the day he had eaten. Later when he had his Health check done... doctors diagnosed that he had AIDS. His parents couldn't believe it...

Then the entire family under went a Checkup... none ofthem suffered from Aids. So the doctors checked again with the boy if he had eaten out...The boy said "yes". He had pineapple that evening.Immediately a group from Mallya hospital went to the pineapple vendor to check.

They found the pineapple seller had a cut on his finger while cutting the pineapple , his blood had spread into the
fruit. When they had his blood checked...the guy was suffering from AIDS .....
but he himself was NOT aware.Unfortunately the boy is suffering from it now.
Please take care while u eat on the road side. and pls fwd this mail to your dear one.

heh heh.. back from work at bout 2.30am juz now, den got my macdonald delivery at 3am ^-^ cos i ordered when i was still on my way home from work =P

den chatted with shotphatz kor, kevin, karen and helped yiting find a few respondents for her survey, n now, i is gonna watch Bleach~!

and its like O M G la! i noe shotphatz for 3yrs le.. we had been chatting since he was in A level and i was in O level, until he go NS, finish NS, graphics and webbie designer, and now he has a cool galfren, and i juz realise tonight, that he is malay. -faint- i noe his name is erman.. but that dun sound malay wad. =.="

got this cool recommendation from amos =P

http://www.keiichianimeforever.com/anime/onlineanime/series.html/en/bleach

all the episodes are there! i no need to search part by part on youtube le~! cos this webbie collates all these bits and pieces into like a collection for anime lover's convenience ^-^

oso got this cool recommendation from jiahui's blog.. dabao.com.sg
wow! he got a prata and handmade noodle for dinner on sunday from this webbie lorx!
his review is that though the service a bit ex, but very good service, and the uniform is cute! LOL so he is uniform-fetish HAa!

okie.. i gonna watch anime until i go find the doctor to correct my mc later.. cos the mc need to have the diagnosis, and that i m unfit to take test n the date. but the doc nv write the diagnosis the other day.. so need to get him to write and sign den can submit to sch -.- leh chey.

btw, check out alvin's blog for his post abt sex law HAa! hilarious seh ^-^ his link is in the offline links' drop box.

and to add on to his post,

did u noe that it is illegal to have oral sex in singapore unless u have intercourse after that?

singapore law allows us to fuk at 16, but only allow us to watch porn at 21.

HAa!

Kicking about @ 5:28 AM
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Monday, June 12, 2006

Hectic Holiday

k i noe i noe.. i did realise i've gone missing for a week.. cos of mid sem test ma..

but i still can't have the time to sit down n blog wor.. cos i m busy living my offline, and this week, i gotta work 5 days, project 1 day, and living my offline another day.

there u go~! 7 days~!

=]

therefore, i is busy.

got many juicy stuff bout last wk to update.. but not now.. cos i gotta go sleep, den wake at 1.30pm to go school submit MC, see teacher for advice on internship, then rush to work =)

YEAH~! i is finally back at work! i LovE my WorK~! ^-^

Kicking about @ 7:18 AM
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Sunday, June 04, 2006

~~Friday: Studied Overnite at Mac with Alvin~~

3 Days of Mac with Alvin

eek. now me & alvin feel like puking at the mere sight and thought of macdonald..

cos we had been having macdonald meals together for 3 consecutive days le..

lolx.. friday we decided to go study overnite at tampines 201 macdonald..

i overslept and missed the last bus towards 201 by a minute -_-"
so i took a cab down to 201.. and the cab driver very crappy, chatted a bit bout clubbing =.=

initially we bought food and sat in the air-con area of the mac and started studyin after we were done with our food. but the fluorescent light tube above our head keep flickering.. eyes very uncomfortable -.- furthermore, it was getting quite cold.. air-con and ice soft drinks dont go well..

so we switched out and studied till morn.

we were sitting at the corner-most table which has the air con's that big box behind us.. hmm wadz tt called.. anyway the one that got wind come out but is hot air one la.

juz nice sia.. cos the wind at nite very cold.. cos of the morning dew.. den when there's a big gush of wind, the hot air of the box will "mix mix" den not so cold le
^-^

den we studied and crapped a bit until 1st bus timing, we ate our second meal in the nite at the same mac HaHa! we had big breakfast den we went home ^^

on saturday, we met again, i took the last bus down to meet alvin at 201. HaHA~! somebody cut hair so cuTE~! i was lookin for a guy with fringe covering half his face la.. den he cut hair liao, and sat at the bench which ronald macdonald is sitting, i cannot recognise sia! LOL.

then i was trying to decide if we should go over with ting and song they all to elmo's pasir ris house to study.. but alvin dun wanna go. n i decided that i mite get too comfortable at elmo's house and fall asleep, so me and alvin stayed on at 201 mac LOL.

but juz when we were getting started after our supNer [supper cum dinner] , i realise i brought the correct textbook but wrong notes... -pengz-

alvin say probly its an omen that we are not meant to study there that nite hahaha! but anyways, oso good la, cos he a bit over exhausted himself by waking too early and playin basketball throughout the evening ^^

lucky thing is that elmo ting hanxiong n songlim still at "muthu" eating prata. so i called and see if i can get a ride home since they going to elmo's pasir ris house ^^

me and alvin actually planned to study at the airport from 1 - 10pm today.. but.. i overslept till 3+ ... den i was tryin to get my boss to help me write testimonial for my work performance, so as to support my application letter for internship.. den end up, we only met bout 6+ and started studying at 7pm.. lucky that alvin went to vbus, he found the revision lecture's notes for tml's paper! cool rite. den we saved much time studyin extra stuff ^^

before we got started at mac, i went to watson to get this great bargain!

this ZA 2-way foundation with premium edition powder box and it powder came in the form of refill is but $12.90 ~! omg rite! so retarded price somemore so nice box leh~! paisei my v3 take picture not very good.. heex.

oh in case rix dun understand wadz the fuss[=p] , this ZA 2-way foundation normally cost $24.90, and its refill cost $22.90. but now watson offering at $12.90 which is 50% off~!
hmmm.. actually now i considering wanna go get another box onot.. $12.90 only sia.. the refill powder already $22.90 lor. but i scared by the time i use finish this current box, what if my skin shade darken or lighten den wasted liao haha..

den i saw this pair of slippers $19.90.. like the pair of pink one i used to like a lot.. but this one is bronze.. =/ lemme consider ba. the promotion stall will be there till thurs haha.

oh, then went up to white sand's mac's 2nd floor and took a table. not much ppl sia, nice ^^

when alvin went to get his green tea, he got up in a jiffy.. but when i went down to get my meal.. oMg. the entire first floor was flooded green. all the NS man who gonna go back to tekong or the camp near my house seems to flood there altogether.. so end up i only got a milk shake from the dessert counter lolx..

studied till about 9pm+ , i tot i should get some food before i feel faint again.. =] man.. juz the meal thought of eating mac is disgusting.. alvin took damn long struggling bout what he should have for dinner LOL. i thought i'll juz make do with 2 large packet of twister fries.. but when i went to the counter, i decided to get a fillet meal upsized with twister fries instead.....

its pretty irritating how the gal kept cutting my words. -_-" i can understand that she is tryin to be efficient and push the other "sidekick" bites, but can she juz shut up n lemme finish my order -_-

Me: can i have a fillet meal upsize ... -my voice drowned by hers-
Gal: would u like to upsize blah blah blah...
Me: yes and chg the fries to twister fries... -again drowned by hers-
Gal: -point to board at cashier machine n spoke gibberish which sounds either i gotta pay how much more for the fries or the upsize-
maybe she's still young so not confident when talking to stranger -.- so she memorise her lines and verbal vomit whoever comes her way haiz. on rare occasions when i m really tired or bad mood swing, i do that to my customers too. but 98% of the time i make sure i do it as personal as possible. after all, i is workin at a bar leh, chill out bar, relax place.. how can make the customers feel stress machiam at french restaurant.. haiz.

oh back to studyin with alvin.

i finished the fries laboriously.. alvin had 2 double cheese burger and a chocolate milkshake ^^

i did not have the least bit of motivation to start on my fillet burger.. it juz looks disgusting even with the wrapper on.. cos i had fillet the nite before.. eeek. so it sat with my text book and barang barangs and colour pencil instead ^^

btw, i juz had that burger as supper while chatting with elmo on msn bout his new peach blossoms LOL

haha wondering wadz colour pencil doing there when i'm studying brands management rite? cos i dont have high lighter.. n haven buy.. so i use colour pencil instead ^^
[the colour pencil at bottom left corner in case u cant see =p]

i study until sian time, i'll juz take my colour pencil and draw alvin's notes =P the other day i drew a fat cat and signatured with the date & place on his notes, and today i drew a african daisy and signatured with the date & place on his notes LOL.

basically, these 3 days troubled alvin quite a bit to accompany me study, when i m the one who cant study at home, and he is the versatile one =) and i had fun ka jiao-ing him heh heh heh!

haha i tink i resize the photo until a bit weird LOL. he was actually covering his face with his hand after i took a first picture, den i bluff him say i delete that pic liao den he took his hand off.. actually at the same time i said that, i took this pic LOL!!! see that double cheese burger in his hand? its his second double cheese burger!

we left mac at 11pm so that alvin can catch the last bus 12 back to melville park ^-^
we went to the new 7eleven at the mrt station to get his ciggs.. we already predicted that the cashier would ask for his IC.. but when it happened, its still too funny for me not to laugh HAHAHA! 23 yr old kana taken as under 18 sia~~~!!!

dun understand man.. alvin & amos always gets this kinda shit, but not once do i need to take out IC for alcohol & ciggs purchase HAa! btw, i only drink i dont smoke, help ppl buy de.

eh scarli nex week alvin go reservist then they thought he is 18 year old NSman den dont let him out, tot he wanna AWOL how? LOL~!!!

oh, the cashier see me laughing behind alvin, she oso buay tahan laugh out LOL
the cashier looks like vatsala LOL!

thx a lot a lot for accompanying me and tolerating my nonsense, alvin ^-^

Kicking about @ 11:57 PM
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Lonely

the kinda loneliness when u did not have any frens to begin with, and the kinda loneliness when frens leaves u is different..

didnt ever have and lost wad u had is different.. lost is more pain..

though i had always been quite a loner, recently i had been really happy.. cos i had been close with some friends at work.. amos is happy seeing me mixing around =] but like the pic at the top of this blog, a beautiful sunset don't last, there's no feast that doesnt end..

lydia gotta leave cos she is not able to cope with her school work..

jingyang left already, and he is leaving for shanghai for 3 weeks on this coming wednesday, and he'll be away end of this yr doing another internship.

kevin is leaving too.. cos his parents wants him to focus on his uni studies when it starts in july.. cant blame parents who are more concern since he's an only child..

i dunno when marcus will leave too.. he started his new course le.. IT at mdis..

and even though elmo's not working with me, but i m so used to tagging him when i m not tagging amos.. i would cry calling him when i dun wan my amos to worry when he is doing something else.. cos i tink he would feel very helpless seeing his woman so upset and he cant do anything.. but momo different, as a good fren, his approach is juz to be there to provide companionship at least and cheer u up =]

but momo is leaving for hongkong internship this september till december..

he is rite. i would cry if he is to go on overseas internship. i m now.

and kenny is going to NS nex yr, and at the end of the 2 years, his papa will pack him off to shanghai to learn the ropes of business.. i wonder how he is gonna survive his first 3 months with hand signs.. he cant speak chinese..

juz now i was telling kevin off.. cos i didnt noe it was his parents who wans him to quit.. i tot its him being playful and lazy.. he told me to let him handle his life.. furthermore, its not his choice to leave.. but his parents.

i can only tell him i dont wan him to leave..

he was the one who always asks me why isit that i do not have much frens even though i worked there for about a year now..

he was the one who bought me and a few others bookmark, and a extra hairclip for me only, when he went on a holiday. and he watches out for me at work.

i told him that this is the first time i ever cry becos a fren is leaving a job. this is dumb. i dun wanna do this anymore.. i dun wanna have close frens at work anymore.

he says that its not like its the end of the world or i wun be able to see him again, silly ass. lol..

now i got the answer to his question..

cos i rather be selfishly locking my heart up, den to let my heart out to frens, and let my heart rip when frens leave me..

i wanna be good at work, i cannt let myself get affected by all these emotions.. i m not able to handle them..

i used to feel ridiculous when jaslyn and a guy left, den a few others quit altogether.. i tot it is so unprofessional, unethical.. after all this is work, how can lidat juz cos of frens quit?

now i noe how it feels.

amos is upset that i m intending to isolate myself once again.. he was so happy when he realise how happy i was recently at work, socialising with these good frens..

but baby, i m not as versatile as u.. can i really make frens as fast as u do?

didnt ever have and lost wad u had is different.. lost is more pain.. will i be able to handle it then? it shows now that i m not handling well..

Kicking about @ 4:36 AM
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Saturday, June 03, 2006

FOUND~!

omg!!!

found julia le.. juz now i juz posted that i cant find her rite.. end up is cos 1 yr ago, i saved her number wrongly by one digit!

LOL.

n when i read mike's message in friendster juz now i read wrongly again! i tot its the same number.. till she accept me in msn den tell me haha!

-touched to tears-

=')

Kicking about @ 10:38 PM
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1/2 Found.

remember the post i did about looking for my friend, Julia Lee?
a helpful guy saw the post, dunno from friendster or from my blog.. n i have no common friend with this guy, and the post was in March 06.. so not sure how he got to read the post..
but anyway, he left a tag on my blog as u mite still be able to see on the right.. [annonymous]

-sigh-

he messaged me her email address and handphone number in my friendster.. it was the same number my cousin gave me..

i hesitated a while before i called her cos i was afraid wad if it would be really awkward if we dunno what to say..

**---The M1 number you have dialed is not in service.---**

=< disappointed. that means.. it has been disconnected from at least since mid march around her birthday.. cos i smsed her happy birthday then and she didnt reply..

seems the guy fren of hers from ACJC oso haven contacted her for a while.. cos he told me to help him say hi to julia..

i've added her in MSN.. hope she will not think that i is some kinda weird stranger and don't accept =<

anyways, thx mike =]

Kicking about @ 9:28 PM
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Changes within an hour

isnt it a drastic two extreme ends posts in the last hour?

i was blogging happily that i m going out to study with ting, den i was blogging about something emo.

well in case u wonder where's the center piece to link these..

ting called and say that expo starbucks full house le.. if i come den i juz gotta probly wait a while for a table n share with song lim later on when he comes. but actually, i did not want to go expo starbucks de.. cos the table very small.. den somemore heard this wkend got a couple of fairs going on.. so i decided not to go.. probly juz stay home n rest a bit, study a bit, den go meet alvin n probly elmo n ting to study tonight till tml morn.

den i was searching bout informations bout my internship, and was still a bit disoriented with the change in plan, den my mum stepped into the picture, and den we quarreled. that's it.

so now, after i blogged that second post in the hour, i calmed down a lot le. now i gonna blog bout my wednesday thursday and friday to cheer myself up, den i'll edit my resume & application letter and ask elmo to help me go through one more time. den probly i'll pester someone to go out with me for a while.

in case as u read and scroll down, u get confused by the chronological order, i've leaved all the links of the posts in this post, click and there'll be a new window.

[this post is done at 5.47pm]

Kicking about @ 6:00 PM
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Wednesday: MOS

kevin and lydia asked me to go MOS with them lolx.. think kelvin was the organiser haha.

me and lydia is currently actually on a 2 weeks off, this and next week, from work cos of our mid semestral tests. i was rather surprised when she called me, cos i told kevin its not too possible she would go cos she has final year project and mid sem test to deal with now lolx..

hey i noe wad u r thinking.. tinking we chao genG rite~ say test off from work, den go MOS chiong~ eh harlo, we is can't be mugging 24/7 rite. a little rest is needed to go a longer way!

anywayz, from work got kevin, kelvin, alex, nyi nyi, dalphin, mu ye, jingyang, lydia, phoebe and me.

when we met and go together is me kevin kelvin alex jingyang lydia and alex fren. den not sure if its pre-arranged or coincidence, when i went up to Pure to find them after dancing at Smoove, i see Dalphin Mu Ye Nyi Nyi and Tank too.

haha i learnt a lesson, nex time go clubbing or any party i won't be ambitious and call so many different groups of frens liao.. i tot can all click together and play ma. but haha in the end i torn between 3 groups.

villa bali group, weixiang group and veron group.

cos initially when we juz went in, the VB group like walkin around den like very sianz ma. so i went to find wei xiang and his frens first. den stay there quite long. den met gary too! he suddenly knock my head, den its quite dark n he wasnt wearing spects, so i took a while to realise its him LOL!

den veron met her sister and frens when we were at macdonald. so end up, she stayed with them. paisei to veron sia, i ask her go then the whole nite nv even had a drink together with her =p

wei xiang had to go off at 2am so i went back to the main arena to find the VB people. wah i came back at the right timing man LOL.. all of them so high liao.. phoebe finished work and came over to find us. i used to tease nyi nyi that he so uncle will go clubbing wan meh? actually he is same age as amos LOL. but he very mature. he so high sia dancing and jumping lolx..

den we went over to the bar to get a drink, and alex met a regular VB customer there. they were talking then suddenly the guy pull me and say he noes my boss well, and he's a regular at VB, n wanna intro me to his frens. wtf.. scare me. though i was pretty high at that time already, i was still alert like eagle lor. den i pull away n turn to ask nyi nyi if he noes that guy n if its ok to talk to him. nyi nyi say dunno sia. den alex tell him is regular, den he went over and chatted a bit with the guy. den the rest of us juz went off to Smoove when they were chatting. -.-

if i noe that guy as a regular, like jeremy and LC they all or Yvonne they all, i dun mind talking to them after work leh cos i noe them personally le ma. but i really dunno this person.. bsides, even if is regular, at most i m only obligated to say "Hi" wor.. after work le leh.. wad i dun like is he say he is my boss fren. my boss fren den i muz entertain even when i m in my private life? bsides, my boss got many "associates" but how many is really good fren n noe personally n can trust them de, how i noe? of cos i not doubting my boss's integrity, juz that i feel not obligated to entertain someone i really dunno n i m after work le wor. bsides, my boss not there how i noe if i can trust this person.

after that all of us danced at Smoove until about 3+ nearly 4am den we left.. me and jingyang shared cab home first while the rest of them went to Liang Court Macdonald to eat.

its always nice and secure to have nyi nyi around lolx.. cos he'll always keep a look out for us. like when we were dancing at Smoove, nyi nyi made sure that we gals dance on the inside n he n the other guys outside so that we wun kana from other rowdy people. ^^

i had 2 bottles of heineken, 1 bottle of bacardi breezer and 1 mug of tiger that nite ^^
see, i controL~ so that i wun get wasted or get myself into danger LoLx..

it was a motley group to began with for that nite's partying, but i m glad that all of us from VB enjoyed that nite ^^

Me Lydia Phoebe @ MOS Restroom

hopefully kelvin will organise another one after our tests week! =]

on tuesday when i told elmo that i mite be going clubbing with my colleagues, he was saying:

nex week test! u dare u go lor! i dare u go! u go u lose a fren, u lose me!
haha so i was telling amos, yiting n alvin not to let elmo know that i m going clubbing LOL
and it sounds weird doesnt it? i m telling my boyfren, who doesnt mind, not to tell another guy that i m going clubbing LOL. its difficult to find frens who are willing to take an extra mile for u lor. so muz treasure ma ^^

Kicking about @ 5:59 PM
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Thursday: Elmo's Help

thursday the electricity supply at my house was disrupted.

my mum and the babies went to my god sis's house to stay for the nite, and they asked me over too. but i think it would be very quesy for me.. cos i would need to do my proj till late, cos i need to get some research material for my group on friday.

i didnt want to disturb amos cos he gotta wake at 6.20am to go back to camp.. so i called elmo and see if he could help me. he never hesitate sia, juz helped me leh. so nice rite?

cos i was afraid of going back to a dark house after i finish my proj at elmo's, elmo agree to study at his pasir ris house to accompany me leh! so nice rite. =) go where find a fren who would stay out the whole nite juz cos i is scared of dark lolx.. only my amos would do that for me lorx. ^^

cos i needed to get some clothes to change so that i can go school the nex day, and elmo needed a textbook, we drove back to my house first, den realised that the electricity is back!

then we went supper with yi ting and hong guan at tampines interchange the mcdonald. i laugh until my stomach wanna cramp la lolx.. cos the combination of elmo and yi ting plus the catalyst hong guan equates to unlimited crap jokes and laughter LOL.

cos the 3 of us already know the solution to some logical-pattern games and hong guan was the only one who didnt know, we had a good time making him confuse LOL.

we were playing "Black Magic", which even though person A only tells person B the object, but person C will be able to know the object when person A ask if that particular object is the one. ^^ hong guan was very unconvinced hahahahaha.. den we played "How many meh-meh jump over the wall", which he was supposed to guess the number of sheeps that jumped over the wall in that particular turn LOL. den we played "Bang Bang" which he was supposed to guess who is the one among the 4 of us to had been shot dead after the round of "bang bang" shots LOL

he guess until wan turn table liao hahahahahha..

From this part forth, is quite crude,
if u not used to dirty jokes, pls skip this post LOL
den we were crapping about elmo being the new god on hong guan's altar LOL!

cos i wanted to go to the toilet but i didnt wan to go alone, so i asked yi ting to go with me. den hong guan ask if the two of us are going to the toilet to PCC lolx.. den i recalled wad elmo did the other day when me elmo n yiting was at the festive or festival park at tampines block 200+ there lolx..

that day we were sitting on the stage,
then elmo was able to bend his back n have his head on the floor, with his legs folded.
den we were joking that he mite be able to mouth himself LOL =x

den when hong guan said that, i told him that elmo was able to do it himself. den cant remember is yi ting or elmo started sayin that probly elmo can use his feet to PCC LOL! den hong guan say if elmo is able to do that, he will carve out elmo's looks and put on his altar to worship as the Chiu Cheng Sin LOL [god of handjob]

super crap la.. laugh like hell. its always super funny when hong guan is around hahaha. he would make a really good bar man.. too bad he wasnt given a chance to work at a proper bar yet..

den dunno wad he say den i say later i fart let u tarek den u noe. den he say wa if u fart i tarek den u muz be Pi Shen ar! [god of fart]

lolx.. mite sound gross and dumb reading it here, but if u were there and then seeing his expression and hearing his cues and tones damn funny la..

very happy, crappy nite ^^

Kicking about @ 5:58 PM
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Pain.

i can don't give a fuk about what anyone in the world says. they wun be able to affect me.

only a few people can make me go hysterical.

i was hysterical n my lips my eyelid my face.. was trembling..

when i m really stressed up, nothing can really break me down. but her words can be the last straw that breaks my back, anytime.

at work, at school, at frens, at amos, i mite be stressed up till i cry. but that is nothing. the feeling that my heart is torn up, can only be done by her words, done by me knowing how desperately she would wan me to dote on her n give her more attention.

why isit that i already try to entertain her even though i really need that focus now, why isit that when i tell her that i m really busy now she cannot just leave me alone? why isit that she cannot understand and step back, and muz push until i break down n yell n scream n shut her outta my room?

no one in the world can say anything to break her down, but her own children.

she is that strong a person.

i noe it definitely pierced her badly. but does she noes that at the same time, i feel like killing myself for hurting her? no killing myself is being too easy on me. i feel like throwing myself around repeatedly.

Pain.

i noe i m not trying hard enough.

but i did try didnt i? little things i do. but to get replies of her spite of the moment that diminish every little effort i have attempted is really demoralising enough.

is it an excuse or a contributing factor i dunno.

not now, i cant spend that limited time and strength to think about that now. i really muz put my focus back to getting my internship and my tests now. immediately.

i haven been good before, but at least i m trying to improve things now. doesnt mean that i haven been good means i should ponder on the past during the present and miss the future.

she was sayin why should i be throwing temper at her when i m the one who is doing things last minute. look, juz bcos i m doing it last minute does not entitles u to take more time pondering n backtracking me. give me the support i need to move forward pls. i m trying.

Kicking about @ 5:24 PM
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Change Blogskin, again.

haha how many times i chg blogskin this month liao sia LOL.

nah think this one should stay quite long cos its contemporary ^^ suits the name of this blog:

No Name Applicable

cos i will grow up, will pass through transitions in life's various stages, and my mentality towards things will change. so a contemporary name suits the best ^^ no need to keep changing.. haha

imagine: if today i like YanZi den i put my blog address YanZi********.blogspot.com, den the nex month i like Jay den i Jay******.blogspot.com, very jialat rite.

my year two frens from my consumer behavior class was saying this bout her email address the other day:

eh.. i dun give my primary sch that email address to people anymore.. wa lao the email address very childish.

see? she's gonna be 18 now =)

oh anywayz, i put that picture at the top cos amos was thinking about a 2 person weekend at Rasa Shangri-la Sentosa. he was thinking we will stay there 3 days 2 nights, and go tour the whole sentosa freely~ LOL.

that picture is a pic taken at sentosa. the credits sorry leh.. cos i search from yahoo image search in school den i forget to save the source of the pic.. =]

loadsa things to update about man.. wednesday went MOS n Elmo's help on thursday n went study overnite with Alvin yesterday at tampines 201 mac..

but now i gotta rush down to Expo n study with Ting.. dunno wadz the arrangement yet, probly relac a while in between den go meet alvin, OR come home before go meet alvin, OR tomolo morning den come home. oh ya i meeting him study at 10pm+ later.

so.. YUP! its a super duper busy week.. can't even meet my amos sia. nvm, its good enough for me to know that he had a good time with his camp people yesterday, drinking at his house downstairs until all drunk den morning still go soccer LOL! sia la.. too bad i studying if not i oso wanna go lor.. 1 bottle of Bombay Sapphire, 1 bottle of Absolut Apeach and another bottle of dunno wad. hmmm.. nvm, i've arranged one or two clubbing session this wkend or nex wk one wkday le.. muahahhaha!

wish me luck in securing a internship placement at :
[1st choice] Rasa Shangri-la Sentosa
[2nd choice] IKEA
[3rd choice] Villa Bali [hahahahahhahaha! dun tink they got such placement at VB ba? lolx.. not sure, but mayb can ask =p]

Kicking about @ 3:57 PM
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