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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Day 4

spent an afternoon with the golden retrievers at Cassia Golden. my goodness... how they cheered me up... rolex had so much to whine to me haha. its not any day that u get a king whining and nua-ing against you ok. gracie, toby, narnia and princess had been great darlings showering me with love too. its so heartwarming each time i meet them, and they tell me in their own ways that they appreciate me being with them, and that really makes all the mud, saliva and sweat worth it :)

was too tired to wait till my baby girl is done with her grooming, since shifu will send her home, i don't have to be there throughout. i miss my baby. she has really grown and matured a lot.. this week her expression looks like camry when she's calm and when she's goofy, she's like journey :)

she's becoming restless in the house, feeling without a pack leader around.. she used to recognize me as her leader, but now with no one to look to, she actually started some erratic behavior like peeing on the bed to mark territory and barking more. she used to be always so quiet that you won't know we have a dog if u didnt see her.

sigh.

immediately, when i walked out of Cassia Golden, my heart sank.

then i realized that for the past 3 wks, i had actually smiled so much at just random thoughts, at random times like when i walk to the bank in the afternoons. but for the past 3 days, the same thoughts that brought me the smiles before couldnt make me muster the slightest smile.

my msn pm reads: smile got stolen.

elsa kindly came and told me, joyce i donate my smile to you, please smile..
kiang came to be concerned too, even though he is really puzzled by his biological parents and foster parents war plus a completely unfamiliar set of extended family thats taking him like treasure now.
mag sent me a joke link LOL.

and the best thing this person that took the smile did today is he made me smile a lot this evening; and he asked where did my lost smile gone to, did ashley took it. dang?

its been a great evening.. perhaps someday i will recover this smile but from his friendship?

shrugs.

dammit. ting said she has abt 8 songs in her phone related to him.
mine seems like the entire song list leh.
kill me. LOL.

Kicking about @ 2:27 AM
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Day 3

too much noise in my heart and my perspective now is subconsciously looking at everything around that has even the slightest link to him. gripping all the little things all around as much as i can, hoping its not over. but it is.

losing balance.

its ok. like Ting says, its a phase. it will be over.. soon?

it will.

lets see how many days this damn series last.

原来心碎是这样的。

Kicking about @ 12:20 PM
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Day 2

time seems to lengthen on this day.

cruised through the entire day comfortably busy enough to keep my mind positive.

the sky was beautiful at 630pm. that brought me a smile. a proud smile cos i am moving on fine. everything little thing around the path to the bus stop still looks beautiful to me, and that should mean i m not grieving.

supposed to be running with my brother, but ended work in office at 740pm, bro suggested kbox at jurong safra. just as well. i have not found a song for Plasma's ktv competition anyways.
[note: $8 nett per pax with 1 drink, non-alcohol/alcohol choice avail. tiger jug 18++]

but dang? all the freaking songs, no matter if we shared the songs together or not, has a line or two that reminds me of things that makes my eyes feel burning but i really shouldn't.

i thought i had been doing well shutting the f up and getting my ass moving the entire day.

记事本 (link to youtube mtv)

爱的痛了痛的哭了哭的累了
日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好像上瘾的毒药
它反复骗着我

爱的痛了痛的哭了哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过
重新来过

shocked my bro and myself at how nice this part went. i rather it didnt went so perfectly cos i rather not feel for this paragraph of lyrics.

到不了 (link to youtube mtv)

你眼睛会笑弯成一条桥
终点却是我永远到不了
感觉你来到是风的呼啸
思念像苦药竟如此难熬
每分每秒

i know by writing this here is not productive, this is not manifesting in the positive stuff that i should so i can shut up and move on. but for the entire time, my brain has been commanding me to stay positive, think positive, whats done is done, shut the f up and move it. but tears and emotions just overcomes me at unexpected times. i think i need to properly admit these emotions and thoughts and filter them out somewhere. if not i will just keep getting tugged back.

excuses? i dunno.

sometimes u really need to let things run its course, otherwise be it words from others or yourself will just be apocryphal.

哭有时，笑有时。

RoaR! i'm not ok, but i will be.

Kicking about @ 3:00 AM
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Friday, May 21, 2010

i miss my little girl.
Tears won't stop flowing when recalling the day Ashley tried for the first time in her life, to stop me leaving home. She's always ever supportive and will walk me out calmly and sit at the gate while i put the padlock on, during times when i never put on her leash. My baby girl has telepathy with me.. She always feels my heart.

Kicking about @ 1:38 AM
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Develop A Sense of Urgency
By: Brian Tracy

Perhaps the most outwardly identifiable quality of a high performing man or woman is "action orientation."

Take Time to Think and Plan
Highly productive people take the time to think, plan and set priorities. They then launch quickly and strongly toward their goals and objectives. They work steadily, smoothly and continuously and seem to go through enormous amounts of work in the same time period that the average person spends socializing, wasting time and working on low value activities.

Getting into "Flow"
When you work on high value tasks at a high and continuous level of activity, you can actually enter into an amazing mental state called "flow." Almost everyone has experienced this at some time. Really successful people are those who get themselves into this state far more often than the average.

In the state of "flow," which is the highest human state of performance and productivity, something almost mirac ulous happens to your mind and emotions. You feel elated and clear. Everything you do seems effortless and accurate. You feel happy and energetic. You experience a tremendous sense of calm and personal effectiveness.

Become More Alert and Aware
In the state of "flow," identified and talked about over the centuries, you actually function on a higher plane of clarity, creativity and competence. You are more sensitive and aware. Your insight and intuition functions with incredible precision. You see the interconnectedness of people and circumstances around you. You often come up with brilliant ideas and insights that enable you to move ahead even more rapidly.

Develop a Sense of Urgency
One of the ways you can trigger this state of flow is by developing a "sense of urgency." This is an inner drive and desire to get on with the job quickly and get it done fast. This inner drive is an impatience that motivates you to get going and to keep going. A sense of urgency feels very much like racing against yourself.

Create a "Bias for Action"
With this ingrained sense of urgency, you develop a "bias for action." You take action rather than talking continually about what you are going to do. You focus on specific steps you can take immediately. By employing this technique you concentrate on the things you can do right now to get the results you want and achieve the goals you desire.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action:

First, select one major task confronting you and launch into it immediately. Don't hesitate. Move fast.

Second, start doing this every morning, first thing, until it becomes a habit.

Kicking about @ 1:20 PM
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To do List for Spring Cleaning.

secure a job within the next 2 to 3 weeks.

make the home a comfortable place that i want to live in again.

要练习不要再把自己当作“二等公民”，不要再因为那么在乎别人的眼光而寸步难行。
只活一次；验收成绩单时，成绩是我的，责任是我的，不是他们。

好想好好爱你
这一句话只能藏成秘密
...
好想好好爱你
却没有权利再把你抱紧

周蕙 - 好想好好爱你

Kicking about @ 12:52 PM
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Monday, May 10, 2010

My loves are all worried if the little morning glory can cope on her own now... x)

but i'm happy now really. finally after years, i m looking forward to life and living it.

hazel-nut! (yiting) says:

somehow i miss you leh.. i dont know why
maybe cos this time you really try to cope yourself, while i am worrying if you can anot

ting, ros, my mum, amos's mum, amos and david all worry about me coping on my own.

i m not ready yet, i m not ok yet, but i will be.

very very thankful for the <3 !

Kicking about @ 5:28 PM
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Sometimes When We Touch - Rod Stewart

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
Subsides

Kicking about @ 4:55 PM
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Faith

Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.
Labels: My Enlightenment, My Random-ness

Kicking about @ 3:44 PM
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Friday, May 07, 2010

10th August 2001 ~ 7th May 2010

Kicking about @ 5:06 PM
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