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Monday, April 09, 2007

My Big Boy..

.. was asking me, why i don't slp early now that i m working day job.

i say cos i don't dare to slp, dunno what mess i have to face the nex day.

he laugh at me nb.. he say that's how he feel when he was in primary school.

LOL. his version is damn cute la..

i'll save in draft and sought his permission before publishing.. its SO NOT the HIM that any of his friends, even his closest wei li, would have known of him.

while hearing him telling me his painful (really quite pain considering the canes LOL) past, with a boyish smile on his face, i feel so touch so blessed to have been bestow this big boy in my life.. and i m most fortunate to have this fleeting saggitaurus who hates to be binded by rules or by anyone, to want to be commited to me, to want to have a vision of our future, to want to make decisions with me included in his considerations..

all these yrs, i thought i have been the only silly girl as any other girls in relationship would, think long and far and vision our future.. recently, he starts to vocalise a little on the things he vision us in our future.. some of his little ideas..

on friday, we went to Miss You cafe at simpang bedok (the desserts sux big time.) to have supper of tiramisu and apple crumble and root beer and rambutan lagoon. all cmi. but that's not the point. that cafe is recommended by TODAY newspaper. now we know we shld have some reservations when reading recommendations around. thats not the point either. the point is, when he saw the wine list, he said:

baobei, what wine can keep for many years and will taste better and better as it grows old?
we should get one bottle before i leave, then when i return 6years later,
we can open it and drink!

x) and juz now on the ride home, he was asking his dad, if his uncle would still be a tailor 9yrs from now. he finds that it would be damn cool if his uncle could do his wedding suit for him hahaha!

a hundred and one things keep popping outta my head every now and then, telling me what ifs..

i'm so afraid of him leaving me, of our relationship cracking up, that ever since i got together with him, i NEVER once played fortune telling that is related to relationship again. i was so afraid that the result would turn out bad and crack us up. but now i m so afraid what if i m not the one for him? and what if i would not bring fortune to him but rubbish?

i guess sometimes, either the media or somewhere along our education system, we muz have been brainwashed to believe that there is no fairy tale happily ever after thingys.

things have been going so well for us these yrs that i m so afraid that its the peace before the storm.

but wells, i've been through these feelings haven i? yrs back when things seems to be going too well, i was so afraid that i will be hurt and disappointed if i lose him one day, and things seems too good to be true. but i stayed on in our relationship cos of my trust in him, in us, that we would be able to hold everything together, together. a girl didnt. she felt that things were going too happily ever after, she gave up her relationship. good thing she went into a long relationship soon after, for a couple of yrs, but seems recently her photos are absent from his friendster.. hope she has met her happily ever after and decides to believe it le ba.

i muz remind myself.. if one day things start moving towards unhappiness, i must not must not hold on to him.. i must let him go towards where he should.. i know its tough, i know i most likely would not.. but i know i have to. cos if we're meant to be, he would be by my side even if we reunite 50 yrs from now, as like the mtv of SHE.

on another note, i was telling him, for goodness sake, please don't educate our child to be as naive as him in future.. his childhood is damn hilarious at times.. he's naive beyond imagination.. LOL.

on another another note, after hearing his first sentence, that he would only feel that way when he was in primary school, i got a reality-quake in my mind. i had been feeling that way through primary, secondary and tertiary when i never do my homework or skip school without MC or late for school when i cant afford to anymore.. goodness. i'm 20. i don't wanna feel that way anymore man! cannot cannot cannot. GROW UP ALREADY~!
Labels: My Boy, My Contradiction

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